Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Two wrongs don't make a right, but two rights make a hate group.

   marriage is a natural defense mechanism designed to help us overcome our fear of death.

   touche volcano insurance salesman touche

   Where to find free beer and naked women. What? Crap! This isnt Google!

   A braille porn magazine has been launched ths week - complete with explicit raised text and pictures. At least this is one time where looking at porn won't make you go blind.

   there anybody else alive out there!?.. is that a No? If no one answers then I'm just gonna assume that's a "No" and that I can walk the street to a local gas station at 2:00 AM completley naked..."

   come to the conclusion that you don't BUY beer....you just rent it.

   When I am king, you will be first against the wall, With your opinion which is of no consequence at all.

   Let me solve this whole airline/volcano crisis.... first - load the planes. second - fly the freakin plane around the ash cloud! no problem!

   The Little Chocoltiers, The Little Couple, Little People Big World...... TLC is changing its name to The Little Channel!

   If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration,i wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

   A Tip Having anything Like XXYoUnGmOn3y666xx As your Name equals Fail

   thinks that if you post an album titled "WeDdInG PhoToS", you are probably too young to be married.

   does anyone else always feel really bad playing that 'No Russian' mission on Modern Warfare 2, but at the same time loving it?

   a suicide bomber instructor. Suicide bomber training: Now watch carefully, because I'm only going to show you this once.

   probably going to Hell in at least 2 different religions

   a suicide bomber. Suicide bomber training: Now watch carefull, because I'm only going to show you this once.

   After many attempts to drown my sorrows, I'm starting to fear they may have learned to swim.

   I stepped on a corn flake in the kitchen, does that make me a cereal killer?

   I used to live in a residential building until a few hookers moved in on the 3rd floor - now it's a commercial building...