Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pat Robertson is now blaming the oil spill in The Gulf of Mexico on promiscuous dinosaurs.

   Paddy and Murphy walking down the road when Paddy finds a mirror He looks at it and says, "I'm sure I've seen this man before!" and then passes it to Murphy. Murphy then says, "You stupid idiot! That's me!"

   When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness

   give Tiger and Jesse a break. Obama is screwing the whole country

   Dear Terrorist, I don't get why you kill people in the name of God. If God wanted to take someone's life, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be asking for your help.

   life is short. have a ball, better yet have two

   In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.

   how many tweets could tweetybird tweet if tweetybird could tweet tweets

   was thinking, if lesbians use vibrators......isn't that cheating?

   would it be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   would if be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   Mmmmm..ice cream sandwiches....i feel like such a tool though after chasing the ice cream truck screaming "wait, ice cream man"!

   giggles everytime I see a "no shoes, no shirt, no service" sign. I am guessing that they don't care if you come in bare a$$ed?

   May the 4th be with you...but I need a Fifth.

   has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!

   wondering if a strap-on is considered an artificial limb?

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   loves the smell of a home-cooked breakfast...mmmm bacon...now how do I get that smell in my house?

   if I win the 265 millon California lottery this week , I am gunna fly to Somalia and collect all the trillons of Dollars I've won from all My DEAD realatives and take over the world !!!

   wondering if a strap-on is considered as an artificial limb?