Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   falling off this rollercoaster of boredom and falling into the deep dardk depths of insanity. . .

   Its funny how the Simpsons have been around for 21 years and they haven't aged a bit.

   cannot stress enough that grammar is important: Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse

   Today, I saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was stupid idea, but I couldn't change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn't want my arms to get cold...

   I keep hitting the "escape" key...but I'm still here

   Dear Mr. Ice Cream man: Please change your song.. That sh!t was played out in the 80's

   my cross-eyed teacher has a hard time keeping his pupils straight.

   wants to find the just released Winnie the Pooh cookbook. Doesn't matter that he doesn't cook, he just wants to own a book called "Cooking with Pooh".

   It kinda bugs me when people tell me that a book is a "real page turner". I think we all know how books work...

   I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway

   behind every strong girl is an a$$hole who made her that way

   believes that if politicians don't have to pay their taxes, we shouldn't either

   A New York animal shelter is seeking donations of Viagra to treat a pit bull. I'm thinking that this is going to be one of the most frightning animals on the planet.

   yes I lost my virginity but at least I still have the box it came in!

   and I talk to myself on my Facebook wall... I'M AWESOME....I'M AWESOME

   you can't blame men for the forest depletion. As long as we are wearing clothes, we don't need napkins, think of the trees we have saved by getting greasy hands clean on our pants....

   Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom to realize how low they can actually go.

   It feels like we haven't seen each other in years Why don't you join me for a couple of beers clink cheers

   Terrance & Phillip should've really done the "lighting of the torch" during the Winter Olympics back then.....too late now.

   Where there's a will, I want to be in it.