Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5909 of 6448

so I was at a bar and saw a really hot girl, I decided to play it cute and went up to her with a corny pick up line. "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put you and I together." She looked at me disgusted and said, "Let's leave it the way it is wit
←Rate |
06-22-2010 10:40
Comments (0)

ust heard that half the French football team wants to throw up their hands in defeat and give up on World Cup while the other half of the team wants to join the Germans.
←Rate |
06-22-2010 09:48
Comments (1)

hates it when he goes to a Vuvuzela concert and people start playing football...
←Rate |
06-22-2010 08:16 by samdave69
Comments (0)

Speed bumps should be called slow-down bumps. (I tells it like I see it.)

I'm not perfect, but I'm better than your ex and gonna be better than your next.

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.

I would like the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a bottle of Jack Daniels as a backup plan.

Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you're doing it for attention and we all know that you'll be back.

When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is..." I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that.

Saw a sign at the hospital that said "Family Planning.... Use Rear Entrance". I thought it was good advice.
←Rate |
06-22-2010 04:45 by RoN
Comments (0)

needs a Facebook button that says "What you just posted makes me want to stab you."
←Rate |
06-22-2010 04:43 by RoN
Comments (0)

I used to have a voice just like Justin Beiber, then I turned four.
←Rate |
06-22-2010 04:42 by RoN
Comments (0)

the nashnul spelling bee champion
←Rate |
06-22-2010 04:29
Comments (0)

it me or is Tosh.0 the greatest freaking show since Flavor of Love???...
←Rate |
06-22-2010 03:41
Comments (0)

Just wants to make it clear...white men leave their kids too...
←Rate |
06-22-2010 03:39
Comments (2)

written what you are reading
←Rate |
06-22-2010 01:52
Comments (0)

don't it look more Spacious in here without the rug?
←Rate |
06-22-2010 00:06
Comments (1)

Im not saying all IPhone users are douchbags. I am simply saying all douchbags are IPhone users =)
←Rate |
06-21-2010 23:45 by stellar m
Comments (3)

Women should come with Miranda Rights....because if you say the wrong thing, it will come back to haunt you!
←Rate |
06-21-2010 23:37
Comments (0)

getting into shape; and the shape I have chosen is 'Circle'...all done. And I thought this getting into shape thing was going to be hard.
←Rate |
06-21-2010 22:23
Comments (0)