Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5793 of 6442

I can't hear you over the sound of how EPIC I am.
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08-01-2010 23:12
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What could be worse than being a "people of walmart?" Getting busted taking a picture of one. Damn flash!
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08-01-2010 23:04
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My preferred answer to the question "Isn't it a bit early to start drinking?" is "It seems a bit late to be sober."
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08-01-2010 23:03
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I ran this morning and there was nothing chasing me. There is something fundamentally wrong with that.
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08-01-2010 23:02
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Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say "YOU'RE IT!!" and then run away.
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08-01-2010 22:52
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Since when did M&M's start using W's?
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08-01-2010 22:46
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I don't believe I had ADHD because I, Dude! Did you see that? Do you like apples? Wow! Candy corn! 45+78= What officer? What was I saying?
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08-01-2010 22:09
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NBA rookie of the year was video taped doing 120 mph. In his defense, he claimed that he was being chased by Maury Povich.
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08-01-2010 21:00
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What's common between the sun and women's underwear? a) Both are hot b) Both look better while going down c) Both disappear by night.
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08-01-2010 19:45
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You broke my heart into several pieces. Good! Now I can give it to several girls.
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08-01-2010 19:40
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thinks they should make a Michael Jackson video game
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08-01-2010 19:28 by lee
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On Facebook I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry... when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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08-01-2010 19:23
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I'm only adding you to make my friends list look bigger.
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08-01-2010 19:20
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finally knows why leprechauns laugh when they run...? It's because the grass tickles their nuts...
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08-01-2010 19:02 by samdave69
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Have you ever noticed that Octo Mom; Nadya Suleman's mought looks and acts like the Jokers mouth from The Dark Knight -- Batman?

Why do women always ask, 'Do these jeans make me look fat?" No, your A$$ does... Trust me ladies we don't care... We like ya naked...
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08-01-2010 18:36
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Man said, "Lord... Why did ya make women so dang pretty?" The Lord replied, "So you would like them." Then the man said, "Lord, then why did you make them so dang dumb?" The Lord replied, "So they would like you too."
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08-01-2010 18:32
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wonders why the DJ is playing Lil Wayne but you are dancing like you hear Pink Floyd...
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08-01-2010 18:08
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So, if you are deaf and mute but you have psychic ability, would you have a sixth sense or a fourth one?
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08-01-2010 18:07
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has anyone ever looked at a Jeopardy contestant and said to yourself, "Hey, I bet that person would be fun to hangout with."
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08-01-2010 16:28
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