Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you should never, under any circumstances, pick your friend's nose.

   sad that my FB has become my BFF.....

   I heard there was a perfect woman at every corner of the world....Unfortunately, the world is ROUND!!!!

   Hoping my dead grandma isn't watching EVERYTHING I do.....She would be pretty dissapointed in me!!

   I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

   The Guinness in the refrigerator is calling my name with a drunken slur.

   Mother Earth will soon die. We still have the universe. :D

   ok... it's been well over 4 hours and this thing aint gone down... do I keep going or call my doctor??

   knows what you did last summer...

   "When you see Kentucky's fans, you just wonder. You think how wonderful it would be to go to their school. You wish you could trade places for a day, just so you could experience that feeling." - UCLA player Kris Johnson

   "Apparently the University of Kentucky basketball dynasty is to continue forever." - Philadelphia Inquirer, December 23 1954.

   Darthvader should of been made to pay back dated child support for Luke!

   would like very much to learn the swear words of every language......fun!

   what sort of bees produce milk?.......B(o)(o)BIES !!

   might go to the hardware shop tomorrow and tell one of the assistants I need a really long screw...

   never going to leave her husband........unless I move house...he's burried under the decking!

   My mom used to say I'm wasting my life playing video games. Then I thought "no sweat, I've got 2 more lives."

   If YOU didn't SEE it w/your own eyes, or HEAR it w/your own ears, then WHY would you INVENT IT w/your SMALL MIND or SHARE it with YOUR BIG MOUTH !

   Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a smack upside the head. People who need a smack upside the head affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who needs a smac

   If Pluto is a dwarf planet and not a real planet, are dwarf people not real people?