Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This is MY facebook wall and I can do whatever the hell I want with it.

   welcome back FRIDAY !!! I knew you coming back ,im fully charged and ready to get wasted with you ;)

   I'm not naughty! I'm just mischievously creative!

   Just saved a bunch of money on my Mental Insurance by switching to Psycho!

   Nothing pisses me off like a bird WALKING across a street. No it's cool. I'll wait. BTW You can FLY dumbass!

   drinks, dinner, drinks....rinse and repeat...happy Friday..smile

   The Klondike Bar found out what I did for it, and now it's blackmailing me."

   Restaurants, please stop trying to get clever with your restroom signs. I have a very small bladder."

   Dear people in the apartment beneath me: banging on your ceiling doesn't make me want to finish any sooner. It actually makes me want to leave the vacuum on indefinitely....and I think I'll go take a shower now, too."

   [This post has been removed for breaking facebook community guidelines]

   who can name the 6 great kings who ave brought immense happiness in two people's lifes ?? Drin-King, Fuc-King, Lic-King, Suc-King, Span-King and Wan-king

   I spent 3 hours watching Big Brother tonight, thinking all that lazy woman has done is lay on the sofa eating crisps and drinking fizzy.Then I realised the TV wasn't even on...it was just the reflection off the screen.

   if it were not for mimosa's...I would not reach my daily recommended allowance of Vitamin C

   gone and she left this message to carry on. Those who know her know her well and those who befriended her can go to hell!

   Cell phones should be able to be solar charged

   I'm just one tainted egg away from my goal weight…

   'Wish you would jump off from that ledge my friend, You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in' I would understand!!

   If you have more than one Bluetooth…does that mean you have blue teeth?

   I wonder if it bothers Morpheus that his daughter's job is to smile for the camera and take it in the rabbit hole

   Nobody goes to that Bar anymore. It's too crowded... wait, what, nevermind, let's go!"