Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When it comes to friends...I'd rather have four quarters than one hundred pennies.

   Relationships are a two way street navigated by women who are backseat drivers and men who refuse to use maps.

   I've given up begging my girlfriend to swallow. From now on, she can deal with her anorexia on her own.

   A good date ends with dinner. An excellent date ends with breakfast.

   If you`re texting two people at the same time, you are biTextual...

   NERD FLIRTING: "I wish I could select all of you clothes & press delete."

   Teacher Johnny: Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence... Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and.. Her-ass-meant a lot to me

   My friends and I used to get high on gas vapour, but we now just smoke crack, it's cheaper.

   My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.

   Woman's Logic: Bikini - No problem. Bra and underwear: - OMG DON'T LOOK!!!

   Atleast Kanye let Kris Humphries finish...

   Nobody complements my girlfriend and gets away with it.

   The awesome moment when you're telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you

   I use to be good at math, until they added the alphabet

   Damn, looks like someone with a small peepee lost his girlfriend to a black dude!

   Pizza Hut is selling a pizza with hotdogs in the crust???... Aren't the type of people who order this,, the same people who aren't able to waddle quick enough to answer the door?

   I was going to write a funny status to get a bunch of likes, but then I realized, If I just write the word Boobies all the guys on my friends list will like it! Soo BOOBIES!

   white girl + black guys = white trash

   white girls acting like they black..look at the mirror you IS WHITE

   Real Fact : white girl driving...black guy passenger seat