Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   New tourism slogan: "Missouri Loves Company".

   Sort of embarrassing when the babysitter shows up, and I don't have kids, and then it's $300 an hour.

   Judge if you must but I always wanted an Easy Bake Oven as a kid and earlier this morning.

   udge if you must but I always wanted an Easy Bake Oven as a kid and earlier this morning.

   okay! if anyone wishes me "May the 4th be with you!" one more time. He's gonna get a kick up his wookie.

   R.I.P. Adam "MCA" Yauch...You finally got your License to ILL.

   Why do people think you'll remember somebody if they say the name twice? "You remember Dave?".. "Dave who?".. "Dave, Dave."

   Get out of the basement and enjoy your day, nerds, for tommorrow we're drinking Tequila and kicking your a$$e$!!

   I'll celebrate Cinco de Mayo when Mexico celebrates the Fourth of July!

   Pepsi is coming up with Michael Jackson cans in the USA.....In a totally un-related News- Pakistan is coming up with Osama Bin Laden Hookas!....Smoke Away my friends!!!! :)

   Tomorrow..no lawns will be manicured due to Cinco_de Mayo...not on Sunday or Monday..or rest of the week either...Sorry folks too much Tequila and beer combos.

   If it were the other way around I don't think a cat would take in 60 old people.

   99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 7%.

   Why man up when you can down a margarita?

   May the 4th be with you. To celebrate I just put a C-3PO action figure in my bum.

   I love a nice dark red with hints of oak and floral overtones. And, it was a double flusher!!

   Happy Star Wars Day!!! Don't let me catch you making out with your sibling.

   I think The Timeline went a bit too far when it posted a photo of me being conceived!!!!!

   roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you..

   Amnesia is the most common side-effect of Rohypnol. Other common side effects include Vomiting,Irritabillity,Dizziness, and getting raped.