Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   “Can someone send me airtime?”, “Can someone buy me this nice pair of shoes I saw at the mall?”, “Can someone buy me a ticket to the Trey Songz concert?”, “Can someone bring me lunch to my workplace?” - a s1ut's facebook st@tus upd@tes.

   Here's an Idea. Instead of putting your hands on your hips to make you look thiner. Why don't you just lose weight?? Just Sayin.

   I don't care if Noones likes me I'm still going to post while drunk :)

   My first thoughts after hearing that Richard Dawson died were ... again?

   If I ever become a teacher.. I'm stapling McDonalds application.. To every failed test..

   Watch out. It's Monday. You'll probably step in some gum.

   Even as we speak, the Fine Young Cannibals try to find a way to revive their careers in light of recent news stories on cannibalism.

   Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it

   Shot some fish in a barrel today. More difficult than you'd think.

   Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 45 minute flute solo.

   Tell your boss what you really think of him and the truth shall set you free.

   I ask Google all the questions I'm too embarrassed to ask other people.

   I was on the treadmill for over an hour today. Tomorrow I might even turn it on.

   16 and pregnant? What about 18 and graduated ? 22 and successful?

   $2.75 Trojans or $19.99 Huggies? You make the decision.

   its time to call clowns what they really are- smiling murderers

   I just got an email from Facebook that I have 7 friends with birthdays this month. I didn't even know that I had 7 friends, or Facebook.

   Never bring a knife to a gunfight. But if you bring one to a tickle fight, you will TOTALLY win.

   took you to dinner,a movie,then for drinks,get back to your house then tell me you have your period (・_・)ノ”(ノ_<)

   I don't hate anyone enough to want to marry them.