Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just demolished another box of macaroni and cheese buy trying to "Push here to open".

   Rosanne is running.....who cares

   Hey. If Obama wins yet I didn't vote for him....do I still get the free phone?

   I voted for Pedro because i'm tired of all this stupid Romney and Obama supporting jokes... retarded...

   I don't exercise to be healthy. I exercise to look sexy af naked!

   Voted for Romney, Obama self(:

   I believe in our constitution and what America was founded on, and as an Outdoorsmen and gun owner.. Romney/Ryan have my support.

   I just got friend requested from a guy I know is dead... what do you wanna bet he voted today too...

   I voted for the guy with the least amount of cartlage in his left knee...

   Ive waited in line an entire hour to vote, Ended up voting for some guy named Master Chief.

   after today the rest of the world will get "FOUR MORE YEARS!" without having to hear about the US election.

   Why no, stranger, I CAN'T believe how early it gets dark now despite the fact this phenomena has occurred every single year of my existence.

   Regardless of the results of today's election, I think we can all agree Ann Coulter will say something really stupid about it.

   My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.

   Got into an argument with the ex-wife the other day over her boyfriend helping my son with his 1st grade reading assignment when he was visiting them. I told her I thought my sons reading assignment was beyond her boyfriends comprehension……………â

   Tomorrow you'll be able to stop hating people for their political views and go back to hating them for their personality!

   Yoga pants make things hard on me.

   If Obama was really Kenyan he would have won the race by now.

   After spending 45 minutes eavesdropping on a crazy girl giving advice to another crazy girl, I really don't know how we're not extinct yet.

   If I can still smell you on me in the morning, you did good.