Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes I drop things and I'm too lazy to pick them up, like pencils, or my hopes and dreams.

   People are saying the voting age should be 16. Twilight won 9 teen shoice awards. You really want them voting for the next president?

   Biggest lie I tell myself: "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

   To all the girls that say Gentlemen don't exist anymore: They do exist but Gentlemen are attracted to Ladies. Not s?uts. Sorry.

   You can keep retaking all the photos you want but that's just what your face really looks like

   It's Friday night and you're sitting at home on Facebook? HAHAHAHAHAHA same

   The true test of any loving relationship is having two phones and only one functioning charger.

   It's easier to fall asleep in class than in my bed at home.

   Everyone has that 1 favorite piece of clothing that you wear all the time and refuse to throw away.

   The 4 Stages of Going Out Drinking: 1. Why do I do this to myself 2. This isn't so bad 3. WE SHOULD DO THIS MORE OFTEN 4. Why do I do this to myself

   At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.

   I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it.

   I just bought the new vi@gra flavor ice cream...its been 4 hours and it still hasn't melted...

   Women dont say sorry, when a guy is right they say.... "Whatever!"

   it's always better to be the crop duster than the dusted crop!

   I wonder if teachers play the “who's a virgin” game in their heads in class.

   Condoms are just like parents...they are there to protect you, but usually it's more fun when they're not around.

   the wrong brother got fired...

   The Lakers fired Mike Brown They should now Hire Stan Van Gundy just to see Dwight Howards face.

   Love is trusting someone around your butt-hole.