Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages
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This status, is guaranteed not to be on an E Card
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It would be a good day if one could afford to even shoot their Ak ;)
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My number is #0. Which is good 'cause I'm from [insert home town] and you probably know it already
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Sweet Lord Almighty, thanks to this European Satellite that fell on top of my trailer, I can now cancel Direct Tv
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I would say that if my coworkers were picking on me they're leaving someone else alone, but these guys are multi-taskers.
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I've yet to check the status of my Lotto ticket. My biggest fear is that for last five hours here at work, I've put up with unnecessary bull****
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Somewhere over the US, there's a drone flying on autopilot.
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I know let's come out with some kind of fish product to mask the fact we've been serving horse-every fast food joint
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1.5% of my Chapstick is lost because I shave a little off every time I put the cap back on.
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Dear Parents, do your job, and quit having other people make your decisions for you. Buy your damn kids a dog without posting for likes. -The Whole Damn Internet
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I'm 7 1/2 hours into my 8hour workday, from here on out my payroll is for me and my family. You're welcome America!
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Common scence is knowing the chocolate bar I left in my work truck all day would be a melted mess. Starvation would be eating it anyways.
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Dear Tylenol, as a Father, I can respect the fact that you make your products child-proof. However, as a consumer with a splitting headache, I hate your fricken guts 'cause I can't open the damn packet with my fingers...
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Today is one of those days you want to crank the AC down to 68 and watch Braveheart.
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Dear McDonalds, Just to let you know, the first 60 seconds I obtain my French Fries they are like a box of fried deliciousness. However, after 61 seconds, they suddenly turn into rubber sticks of sh!t. Work on that
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Like if you remember the "yellow isle" at the local grocery store.
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Nothing says "SEXY" like your woman holding two fishing poles and a tackle box saying "Let's go!".
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...but where I come from, rain is a good thing.
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Liking and commenting on the same status, gives me a false sence of notification.
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It's fend for yourself night and you know what that means...cold cereal for dinner.
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