Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   May your valentine's day be full of all the sinful things people give up for Lent!!

   If you think you're gonna get $5000 by sharing a photoshopped photo of Bill Gates you might also want to send me your bank account username and password.

   How Do People Know Dinosaurs Roared If Nobody Ever Heard One?!,...Maybe, They Meowed

   Roses are red, violets are blue, if you piss me off, your balls will be, too.

   I can't believe I've been walking around all day with this massive heart on

   Just found out my attic is full of cotton candy!!!

   Steve Martin's kid was born in December Idiot

   Thank you, flowers, for being the perfect way to say, "My love for you is beautiful but will die very soon."

   Happy Mushy Card Nasty Candy in a Heart Shaped Box Big Balloon That Barely Fits in Your Car And You Can't See to Back Up $75 Roses That Can be Bought Tomorrow for $20 but Must be Sent to "Prove" Your Love Stand In Line for Two Hours to Eat Day.

   Please stop saying "My Valentine is my child." or "Jesus is my Valentine." Unfortunately, they don't count as real Valentine's.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.

   Today, people that say "liberry" ,"Jewelerry","supposably" and the Incredible"Hawk", get to celebrate "Valentimes" Day.

   Some people pride themselves on their hard work. I pride myself on doing so little and yet keeping my job.

   Deep Inside We All Know Money Is Everything..

   Soulmate sounds like something Satan puts in his coffee.

   roses are red, violets are blue, I'm sorry babe, got nothing for you.

   Guys, for Valentine's Day leave 3 notes scattered around your house for your girlfriend that say "Will", "you", and "me." That'll keep her busy while you watch sports.

   Today shopping malls will be empty... however parking lots will be full...

   If you didn't want me to sleep at work, maybe you shouldn't have given me the paycheck to buy the drugs w/ in the first place. Work's fault.

   I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her bff saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine’s Day. I hope she finds someone nice.