Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I really hope Chris Brown dates Justin Bieber

   It. There, I said it.

   Nobody gets out of the car until Phil Collins is done singing. It's the law, kids.

   Ice cream just seems to taste better with tears.

   Take that ZULU nonsense and shove it up your ass!

   Sometimes in life all you need is a Wi-Fi, an iMac and a cup of coffee.

   Tried the Harlem Shuffle, Gangnam style... I may have snapped a hip.

   I will fight tooth and nail to get every hair off the bar of soap before it touchs my body

   Parker Brothers has replaced the Iron game piece in Monopoly with a cat. In response, Mattel has replaced the word "Yes" in the Magic 8 Ball with "Fo Shizzle!"

   If you need space - join 'NASA' Baby! XD

   What if Earth is just the insane asylum for the universe?

   I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I'm feeling pretty awesome!!

   congratulations danica patrick and jeff gordon... daytona 500's first all female front row...

   again......Show me on the doll where gas prices touched you.

   After handing cashiers money, I like to caress their hand just to let them know all sales don't have to be final.

   Ugh, the most annoying family just sat next to me on this plane. I live with them and now I have to sit with them for 5 hours?

   It's always funny until it happens to you.

   Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel.

   I need two lives. One to do the things right and another to be myself.

   either I'm not feeling to well or I just sat on a whoopie cushion full of beef gravy!