Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Next time your on a roller coaster take some extra bolts with you then when you're going up that first hill tell the guy in front of you "these just fell out of your chair!!!!"

   there may be a re-count for Pope. Turns out there were some hanging chads.

   George and Barbara B ush must be some proud parents. One son was President, two were Governors and one now plays for the Detroit Lions!

   Round the clock unnecessary news on this...would have been more interesting if choosing the new pope was a production of the tv series Punked.

   Say goodbye to that nasty smoke, Vatican! From the makers of e-cigarettes comes NEW e-chimney™.

   Don't worry altar boys, I'm sure this new pope will be as admirable & honest as the last couple guys.

   My dog tore up the sofa so I chewed up his dog bed. Eye for an eye, Dawg!

   Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn't have to end at work.

   Hey, they had to elect a new Pope today, because everyone wanted to be home for a new episode of Duck Dynasty tonight.... Jack!

   The problem with love is that though we get to chose who we love, we don't get to chose who loves us back.

   thinking the Vatican blew their chance at making an epic Harlem Shuffle video

   "The names Pope Francis...but everyone calls me Psycho...Any of you call me Francis...and I'll kill you"

   I see that they chose a Pope from South America instead of Africa which is a shame. I was really looking forward to a Pope Marktavious....

   I'll have a PB&J ... Hold the "P" and the "&"

   My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

   After mating, a female Praying Mantis kills & eats the male. Guess she knows it's easier to claim life insurance rather than child support.

   I still think Catholics should modernize and elect new Popes with a reality TV show.

   Job application is a trick by some id! ots that they don't even bother to read your resume.

   There are teenagers having unprotected sex, but have cases on their cell phones. Just let that sink in for a moment...

   I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that's good.