Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Miley was front page news longer than the last school shooting...

   I don't see what the big deal is, I had to twerk at 8am.

   My dentist said I can't play Candy crush cause I have cavities.

   Breaking: Miley Cyrus to appear on Lap Dancing with the Stars.

   Dr King had a dream and Obama turned it into a nightmare

   I had a dream too. It was to watch the last 5 minutes of General Hospital. Dammit.

   Smoke your dirty weed nobody cares just stop trying to justify it to people who don't smoke

   Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve..

   I believe I can find my soul mate in #TomorrowLand

   I go tweetless when I see you.

   No one is ever bored enough to start studying.

   Life is a Kaleidoscope after few beers! *Sunday Closed*

   Best part bout your girlfriend also being your best friend is that she won't dump you when she walks in on you sleeping with her best friend.

   “Go out there and get your ass kicked by Steven Seagul” - Script for everyone else in a Steven Seagal movie.

   My girlfrand said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I don't get women.

   If you ever want to know what it sounds like three feet up a cow's azz just listen to lovers talk.

   The U.S. always has an agenda when they enter a country. For example, oil in Iraq. I think the agenda in Syria is to ensure Israel's safety.

   they call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved

   Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.

   Life caught me caring and punished me accordingly.