Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Busting your a$$ is not covered by Obamacare... don't risk it people...

   Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.

   Will be taking part in the looting and anarchy that's sure to come with tonight's government shutdown......

   Good thing my drug dealer delivers rain, sleet or government shutdown......

   Someone give Green Day a nudge...it's October tomorrow....

   Obamacare: Emergency Room Physicians have weighed in... "Stop sticking things up your butt... Don't tell me you sat on a toy fire truck!"

   I have yet to see a woman who became more beautiful because she got a tattoo.

   Whose going to the republican victory party at midnight?

   I don't even bother to look in the mirror anymore. If I do than I'll see that I should probably shave. . .

   Big or small, thick or thin, Vaseline will grt it in...

   Pro tip:When women want to be held, hold em When they're sad, love em When they're drunk, try for butthole. It's easier when they're drunk

   Mike Tyson old and frail enough to let him know the tattoo on his face looks stupid? No? Not yet? Hey Mike you rocked in the Hangover

   People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.

   Love is a two way street, but sometimes there's a car flipped over blocking both lanes of traffic.

   I'll have what she's shaving.

   John Boehner and Harry Ried get into a feminine slap fight complete with hair pulling and name calling on the steps of the Capitol. See it tonight at midnight on the season finale of "The Government"

   if you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don't invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.

   You don't know me. And I don't know you. Woah! We have lot in common.

   Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.

   a homeless guy looked at me and said "any change"? I said " no you are still dirty and homeless