Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know all those things you've wanted to do....you should do them!

   You know it's November when 250 different programs about JFK assassination air on television..

   I have two choices:God gave us a brain. Do I perform the Hiemlich Manuever or should you just stand there and look stupid?.........Science: -10, Religion: 1

   On this night 30 years ago, I found out that wrecking on roller skates while wearing parachute pants was no bueno.

   There is a special place in Hell for those that just go down the list dis-lyking evrything

   Even though I finished my test first, I wait for someone else to get up...

   I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful

   I've read the final chapter, God wins....

   Women have designer purses because they need something stylish to carry their crazy in.

   Nothing for the spank bank at the gym today. Did have a few eat less motivators, though.

   Before you judge me for being drunk at 2:30PM on my day off, stumble a few blocks to another bar in my shoes.

   If you're a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?

   To drink or not to drink!? What a stupid question!

   I'm bored but not "correct people's grammar on Facebook" bored.

   to Santa, "My Mommy doesn't belive in you! Santa to kid, "Tell mommy to stop believing Obama!"

   "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."-----JFK Are you listening, OBAMA?

   Good luck to all the Hunters this weekend! I've had no luck hunting White Tale all year!

   Every day that I don't die is the best day of my life.

   Everything happens for a reason. For instance: You're on fire because I don't like you.

   What do you mean you misunderstood the tone of my text? I put a sad smiley face at the end of it, didn't I?