Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   First Paul Walker now Nelson Mandela please let the third person be Lil Wayne

   RIP Nelson Mandela. Your "I Have A Dream" speech was an inspiration to us all.

   So if you're blind and on the toilet do you wipe until the dog barks or how does that work?

   'Nelson Mandela dies at 95' Respect where it's due... That's 5 miles an hour faster than Paul Walker!

   Nelson Mandela is dead. he has done some simply stunning things in his lifetime, my favorite was his performance as Red in Shawshank Redemption.

   Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years, yet he tackled racism, poverty, inequality and still changed the world! WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE?

   Was Nelson Mandela the driver of Paul Walker's car?

   Fast food protester sign: "Us deserve's mor then minum waig."

   Cosby Show Fact: Sandra and Elvans Children were named after Winnie and Nelson Mandela. #RIP

   Just heard Mandela died in a fiery car crash...

   Just discovered: A cup of noodles consists of two noodles, a half mile long.

   My Supervisor is complaining that he's tired of eating chicken all the time, as I sit here eating a "chicken flavored" cup of noodles.

   My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.

   All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??

   Can you really make the yuletide gay, or does it have to be born that way?

   I'm so tired of women accusing us men that all we do is scratch our ballz. We do not. We scratch the bag.

   In the spirit of the season Miley Cyrus has announced her plans for a television special where she will twerk to all of Bing Crosby’s holiday classics. NOW it feels like Christmas!!!

   Trust me... You don't want my undivided attention.

   “Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, all over Mrs. Claus's face and hair..."

   Brrr, today is a good day to double-up on the underwear.