Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I thought this black guy was calling me a disgrace, turns out he was introducing me to his gf Grace

   what's twelve inches and makes girls wanna have sex with me? my hunting knife

   What the schnitzel is Duck Dynasty?

   Justin Bieber says he's quitting music. In related news, the Death Star now has one less reason to destroy Earth..

   Meanwhile, Mc Fazzerino, (the test tube baby) can spell, and signs his posts instead of hiding behind a blank name field. And is also amused by the fact that someone other than my mom knows my dad's sperm count.

   The mega winner says she picked the numbers by her kids birthdays… Please tell me what month has 39 days

   Duck Commander releases new pen*s shape duck call just in time for the holidays.

   Science can't figure out whether an egg is good or bad for you, let alone accurately prove how the universe formed or evolution.

   Breaking News! You can "QUIETLY" be an Atheist and leave people who believe in something more substantial, believable, reasonable, realistic and is NOT a mere product of mental invention......Learn to stay in your lane dummies.

   Breaking News! You can "QUIETLY" be a Christian and leave people who believe in something more substantial, believable, reasonable, realistic and is NOT a mere product of mental invention......Learn to stay in your lane dummies.

   Recent study shows half the teenagers have never sent a letter, I guess a text/email don't count must be all the abbreviations OMG!

   I was going to buy you a Christmas gift, until I Got High!

   I was going to buy Christmas gifts from my lottery winnings, I was close I had one number, I guess you'll have to wait till next year!

   if anyone is still shopping for Christmas gifts, this week is "procrastinator's week"

   Ladies; there is a difference between being stingy/cheap and being broke.

   I'm sure the sale of duck calls to the gay community will be on the decline...

   Phil Robertson just learned the hard way that once you get sponsorships you can no longer express your opinion...unless your sponsors give you that opinion.

   The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour...

   Miami Heat are a big bunch of cry babies... LeBron is a douche. THEY SUCK!!

   Buying someone $1 lottery ticket as a gift and tell them ..."but what if you win".... and look at them light up, while hiding the fact giving them a dollar says they are not worth it!