Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "That's not what I meant".................... *men

   If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they'd have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.

   it, "kindergarden" or "kindergarten"?... I'm just wondering what grade level I need to start all over from.

   Girls who cut your shorts so that your pockets show. Why not just cut off the pockets? What are you hiding? Snacks? Tell me it's snacks.

   The steady fall of oil prices and subsequent decline of the Canadian dollar motivated me to diversify my investment portfolio from empties to Lotto Max.

   Watching this Sarah Palin Rally for Trump:....Did this chick use the words 'Bequested' and 'Pusssyfooting' as verbs??? OMG...SNL rating is going to go thru the roof!!! ....

   look, tom hanks with his whole family!!! #hanksalot

   Hmmmm,,, Why are long underwear like 42% crotch?

   FYI,, All I did from 1988-1994,,,, was try to get the shards of Cap'n Crunch out off the roof of my mouth

   I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.

   I Google-Earthed your house...... You're out of toilet paper.

   Yeah Right,, like YOU'VE never told a screaming child in 7-11 you had a surprise for him,, reached into your pocket,, and pulled out a middle finger...

   This years summer swimsuit look is going to be a little something I like to call... busted can of biscuits.

   "You da bomb! No you da bomb!" -A compliment in America; an argument in Syria.

   We Germans are happy to help and will give any American refugee who wants to flee from the US in case Trump becomes elected president

   My kid thinks I'm some kind of wizard because I can start a car by blowing in a tube.

   I love your warm body. I love the way you smell, taste. The way you wake me up inside. Coffee

   When all the women of twitter's periods finally synch, the world is over.

   Only cheaters vote for Hillary

   So Sarah Palin is endorsing Donald Trump. This just gets better and better doesn't it?