Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Not saying I'm lazy but my computer was running slow today so I closed all the open tabs and found one that was still logged into an AOL chat room.

   Bearded Dragons are just hipster reptiles.

   Man of Steel 2 is in development. So he didn't die? How about a SPOILER ALERT!!!

   Just saw a dolphin that had a tattoo of a white girl on its rear fin.

   "We don't like any of this! Wait, we LOVE this thing here!" -The Internet

   Trump is qualified because he runs successful businesses? Kim Kardashian is a reality star that runs successful businesses also.

   .... So .... Julian Assange just revealed that the guy behind the Leak of Hillary's Emails IS the guy that was murdered last week. Gee .... What are the chances?

   ... In the former USSR they called it Propaganda. In the United States .... They call it news.

   ... So Hillary invites the father of the Orlando Gay Nightclub murderer to sit behind her at her rally! Heck ... least she could have done is asked him to wear shades to hide his identity. Hmm REALLY BEGINNING TO QUESTION HER Ability to represent America

   ... Ask Yourself ... If the "Clinton Foundation" is such a Philanthropic entity ... Why didn't a single person mention it during the Democrat Convention? .... NOT EVEN HILLARY HERSELF!!!

   Now I know why NASCAR fans don't watch the Olympics....Watching swimming is 10X slower than running and 1000X slower than automobile racing.

   There is an American Olympic diver named "Steele Johnson". He could have a great job in adult films with that name...

   Bernie Sanders just used your $27 donations to buy himself a new summer home

   My money tree is also dying. No wonder I'm broke.

   Oh you dont like your job, there's a support group for that, it's called Everyone...and they meet at the bar

   Water polo? How do they prevent the horses from drowning?

   I remember years ago my wife would undress and her torso would look like the hottest thing ever. Nowadays when she undresses, her torso looks like Homer Simpson.

   everytime a news organisation asks either Trump himself or one of his children on any network, they always start with...Well Hillary did this...! GIVE US YOUR POLICIES MR TRUMP instead of shifting the blame.

   ... Just been watching Ladies Olympic Beach Volleyball and there has already been a wrist injury .... But I should be OK by Monday

   No Mom, It's not just a 'phase.' It's really who I am.....