Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Carrie Fisher had information to get Hillary arrested. But just in case Hillary's people got to her, she passed along the info to her mom.

   Actors like Carrie Fisher claimed Trump would never be their president. I hope the others follow her lead!

   2016 goes from bad to worse: Nickelback is still a band

   On average, a person has sex 86 times a year. Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a weekend for me.

   My favorite yoga pose? Downward facing nap.

   Dear 2016, for the love of all that's holy... Please take Donald Trump too..

   ETC.....End of Thinking Capacity.

   With all the deaths in 2016, there is one worth celebrating. Obama's failed legacy.

   I'll call and report my car as stolen before I admit that I forgot where I parked it.

   I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.

   One of my biggest fears is I'll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays

   Never criticise your husband's faults. It may have been those little imperfections which stopped him from getting a better wife.

   This milk tastes like gorgonzola cheese. The sell by date is 12/29. Never mind. 12/29/15.

   let's take a picture of Trump at his Inauguration...and then again 4 years later. Should be fun!

   let's ake a picture of Trump at his Inauguration...and then again 4 years later. Should be fun!

   Carrie Fisher will forever stake claim on the title of Best Buns.

   I'm going to an all white New Year's Eve party and I have nothing to wear

   Can someone tell me when Santa is coming? He forgot some of the stuff I asked for

   my beer never tells me it has a girlfriend.

   Men in white windowless van's have the worst candy.