Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages
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Page: 8 of 13
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Be advised, if you read a status from me pertaining to driving, that I have safely pulled the vehicle safely off the road to update said status. Why? Because dying on the job wasn't in the contract. That is all
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What's up with Melissa Gilbert's prison tattoos?
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Dear In and Out Burger, I hate you!! Signed, Someone Who Works Down the Street
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Just rubbed the blue dot from the National Enquirer (fingers crossed).
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Right now in houses across the Nation, parents are trying to explain to their kids where their college funds went.
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I now have a strong dislike for Illinois, Kansas, and Maryland. Maybe if we're lucky they cheated like on Willy Wonka!!!
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Click like if you almost cried when Trey said,"Yo Dough...You still got one Brotha left!".
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You make me hold it for 250 miles, good luck on the last twenty feet A$$HOLE!-Bladder
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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
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Setting up eggs on the fence and letting the kids shoot at 'em with paintball guns. That's how we do it in the country!
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To the Athiests that use the Lord's name in vein, make up your mind. Do you believe or not?
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If you didn't make one corner of an old metal swing set pop up in the backyard, you sucked growing up!
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Dear Mr. Coffee, Do you even manufacture a coffee pot that doesn't spill when you pour out of it? -Early Riser
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Safe sex back in my day was not getting caught.
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Tweakers tend to use Five Hour Energy's dirty cousin, Five Inch Line Energy.
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The workin man blues, is being wide awake before 5am on your day off.
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Today is the day in some households, that colored eggs get dumped in the trash. Because enough is enough.
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I'm currently killing a twelve pack, and every squirrel within fifty yards of my porch. Love me some Saturdays.
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When you accidentally like a stranger's picture as you scroll on your smart phone.#stalkerfail
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The correct measurement of toilette paper is from the dispenser to the floor for two-ply, and dispenser to the floor with a half turn for single.
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