Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   why doesnt James Bond Fart ine Bed? It would blow his cover

   And how does everyone feel about the cost of epipens and diabetes meds, Thanks Biden.. how you like me now?

   Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower

   I made a belt out of herbs; what a waist of thyme.

   No one is my co-pilot; that seat’s for my snacks.

   Do Chinese cities have Americatowns?

   "When covid Is over" Is starting to sound like "when the Dealls Cowboys win the Super Bowl.

   When this Covid thing is over "is starting to sound like... "When the DALLAS COWBOYS win the Super Bowl"

   I don’t need the Government to run my life. I can screw it up all by myself.

   I think I’d rather be asleep than woke. They seem to be so unhappy

   Before there was Facebook and Twitter there was "As World Turns" and "The Days of Our Lives" for cusip.

   Her: What sign are you most attracted to? Me: The Dunkin Donuts sign.

   Police: Where you going? Me: With you once you run my name !

   If a supervisor at work gets the Covid, do the people who kiss his ass have to get tested? Asking for a friend.

   A man goes to the white house to see trump the Marine guard tells him Trump is no longer the president and is not here. The man returns the next day asking to see trump

   You ever get a friend request and be like, “Nah, you look like you steal copper”

   According to research, sex during pregnancy is always safe — unless your wife comes home and catches you.

   It's slushing! Which is how we say in the South it's snowing.

   Maybe now that we’ve kept Joe busy writing his name for a week, we should move onto shapes and colors.

   glad all they boyfriends and husbands and People are away