Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I date black girls because I don’t have to worry aboutt meeting their dads

   People say they're not having the vaccine because they don't know what's in it, yet they'll walk into McDonald's and order a McRib sandwich.

   The doctor said to spread my legs wider for the exam. Going to the optometrist is kind of fun.

   Just got kicked out of Walmart for having a concealed belly button.

   I feel confidence they're going to be able to hammer out a stimulus deal by Christmas.....of 2021

   "Walking In a Wonderland" is a great Christmas song for Southerners to keep in mind since they don't know how to drive in it.

   Walking In a Winter Wonderland" is a great Christmas song for Southerners to keep in mind since they don't know how to drive in it.

   Dear Santa, To be safe I'll be staying home for Christmas, so please just drop my presents on my porch and don't bother coming down the chimney. Thanks!

   You can only listen to so much Barry Gibb.

   LADIES.. ! Please stop asking Santa for the perfect man..I've been kidnapped 3 times this week !!

   When you drive an old air-cooled Volkswagen a essential oil is dw40.

   Just checked my bank account and it looks like everyone is getting text messages for Christmas.

   Don't forget that the guy who's the reason for the season loves you! And I don't mean Sam Walton.

   One of the most cherished memories of Christmastime at my house when I was a kid was my mom putting out even more towels that I wasn't allowed to use.

   If by white privilege you mean knowing all the words to Dancing Queen ... then yeah. I’ve got that.

   I wonder if Santa will be wearing a mask during his visit to my house this year?

   Can you catch Covid-19 from someone's fart? I'm in an elevator and we're all dying from someone's flatulence in here...Ugh!

   2021 will be decided by what the Chinese will eat this christmas

   Did you know that the sentence "Are you as bored as I am" can be read backwards and still makes sense?

   BLOCK ME & best believe I’m downloading that text free app. We ain’t done yet.