Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The world changed in 1 month 4rm Feb 14 : "Will you be my valentine?" to Mar 14 : "Will you be my quarantine?

   If he threw toilet paper, like he did in Puerto Rico, it would be a more useful response than what he has shown thus far.

   The Media in a nutshell... On the Flu: "It's going around." On the Coronavirus: It's coming after you, and it's coming hard! Bet on it!"

   Google "African awareness dance for corona" and don't spread rumors.

   The supermarket's completely out of bread and milk. What is it going to snow?

   If you don't own a TV then how do you know which way to point the furniture?

   Day 3 of my self quarantine. I just ate the cat.

   One should not mock ones speech error when they them self make speech errors.

   Maybe the next hoarded item will be laxatives...to use up all the toilet paper.

   I have the body of someone that goes to the gym everyday. Unfortunately I also have the body of someone that never refuses a cookie.

   People are so afraid right now… you could rob a bank with a booger.

   10th day without sports and I find a woman sitting on my couch, she says she's my wife. She seems nice

   You know that stash of fast food napkins in your glove box? It’s about to be their time to shine.

   Nine months from now a boom of babies will be born, and we will call them Coronials!

   Spectrum needs to learn what a "Limited-time Offer" means and needs stop sending people never ending letters in the mail telling us that.

   Tom Brady leaving the patriots. He must’ve rubbed Kraft the wrong way

   With the coronavirus I imagine they'll be a lot people staying home for Saint Patrick's Day, like a lot of Irish people normally do on I wannabe Irish night.

   That moment when you’re worried about the elderly and realize that you ARE the elderly.

   How absorbent is a cabbage leaf? Asking for a friend.

   Want to hear a coronavirus joke? Don't worry you wont get it.