Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m

   In school I think all of our wives got straight A's in buyology.

   What if the Russians really did hack the elections and foiled the Left's plan to rig the election and now they are mad at Trump

   To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you. You've got my Word.

   I'm so poor growing up that we couldn't afford hamburger helper so we bought beef assistant.

   The music band, Queen, said they misspoke on one of their song lyrics. They meant to say, We WON'T Rock You.

   I predict a low-speed police chase at some point, with Trump in a golf cart and Rudy driving.

   Life Lesson: The ONLY person that can pledge 100% loyalty to you is YOURSELF.

   I wonder what other phone calls Cohen has recorded?

   "Why is trump so hard on fake news? After fake news is what got him elected.

   My wife is a porn star. If she ever finds out, she'll kill me.

   "Read a weather book about rainbows called Rainbows by Sunny Showers."

   Moms, Save money on cereal by putting generic cereal in a bran name box. That way the kids will never know their eating generic cereal.

   My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.

   Wife said you always come home in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you came home in a good one. I said of course not..... that's because you weren't home.

   Seven qualities I look for in a woman. 1. Beautiful. 2. Intelligent. 3. Gentle. 4. Thoughtful. 5. Innocent. 6. Trustworthy. 7. Sensible . Or in short B.I.G.T.I.T.S.

   The more random people you see jogging for no reason the higher the rent is going up

   I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !

   An apple a day is bull crap.... Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.

   Just BUY the klondike bar. What's the big deal?