Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Your first mistake was asking her what she is thinking and your second was listening to her reply.

   I just assume every Italian person ever has met Rocky

   If I pretend to be dead will you stop talking?

   I hate when peeps say "Be Pacific"... Okay dumb @$$ and you be Atlantic.

   If you support open borders, then you should be fine with them living in your spare bedroom.

   Did you know that smacking a bar waitress on the a$$ will get you a drink from the special menu ?..

   Anything can be used as a dartboard. Like your coworker Jim who always says "another day in paradise".

   Thinking of making a horror movie titled Front Facing Camera

   So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?

   "Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media

   A decision so bad you wish you had just got a face tattoo instead.

   If you believe in open borders ..Why is your fence so high .

   Why is it a man's opinion can be express in a few minutes. Where a woman's opinion takes an hour.

   More bad news from Hollywood: George Clooney survived his motorcycle wreck.

   Did you know my people invented the Toothbrush? If it was invented by anyone else, they would have called it a teethbrush.

   If it's alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?

   I'm sorry to say, but the swamp is still alive and well. There's no denying that.

   If you can lay on the floor without holding on...... You're not drunk.

   It's so hot that I've been sweating more than a drug smuggler going through coustoms.

   My bar buddy ask me have you ever made a decison without knowing all the facts? I said I sure have....... I got married.