Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hi, I'm Israel and I'm fxckd up. US, get your priorities straight. Killing sailors on an aid flotilla has pushed the limits of Israel's crimes against humanity.

   Ladies when it comes to Men if you dont do anything that affects their 5 senses then they'l never feel what you are trying to express......

   and that ladies and gentlemen is why I have never and will never like the Israeli government.

   Wondering if film directors wake up screaming"CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares?

   OPThinks BP should try dumping a few million copies of "The Audacity of Hope" on top of that leak in the gulf and see if that works.

   just informed that her Birth Certificate has expired.

   Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”

   LOGOUT: The hardest button to click on Facebook.

   thinks Apple needs a device that emits warning signals that a loser is approaching...call it the iPutz.

   Don't let life get in the way of your dreams... go back to sleep!

   Good morning, and a Happy Hurricane Season to all.......

   True love is never having to say "How was I ?"

   Scientists developed a new car that can run on water. Only catch is, it has to be water from the Gulf of Mexico.

   Next time I'm on a job interview and they ask my accomplishments, I'm going to say , "Don't know if you know this, but Windows 7 was my idea."

   "If I weren't such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face"

   soo The Humane Society says donations can help homeless animals, but I find it's easier to just give a couple bucks to every stray cat I see...

   Dear BP, None of this would've happened if you had hired the best deep core drilling team -- Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson, Ben Affleck, and the big black guy from Green Mile.

   Do you ever laugh so hard you accidentally work your abs?

   Just once I'd like to go into a bar bathroom and under the "For a good time call-" written under it: B- ..4 out of 5 stars, would call again

   Be sure to take the time to honor a soldier today by punching a politician in the face.