Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You dont have to believe in your government to be a good American you just have to believe in your country

   OOPS ..there goes my kids all over your face !!

   Yes, I saw you dance. No, I don't have a dollar

   this country is not ran by democracy, but by communism.

   If dumping 50,000 barrels of mud on the oil leak fails, BP plans to simply cover the Gulf of Mexico with a large area rug.

   A Glimpse by defintion, is an impermanent thing!

   it me, or did American Idol invite all the senior citizens of Rock they could find??

   GIRLS; Some of them want to use you.., some of them want to get used by you...

   Lost his mind somewhere.. If you find it please put it back in the gutter.

   it sexual herassment if a midget tells you your hair smells good?

   Two girls, one cup.........The Williams sisters at Wimbledon.

   dear mum and dad I dont know how you did it but thanks for making the sexiest creature alive!!

   thinks that bread is to ducks as dollars are to strippers, ya feed one and three are waiting next in line..

   Your luck is so bad, that if I put a bucket of pu*sy in front of you, you would reach in pull out an a**hole!!

   I think the american people should be allowed to show the BP executives and some of these clowns in our government just what a true "JUNK SHOT" is

   1 Hairspray and 2 tons of make up still dont replace brain!!!

   Create me a phone that, when I get a call from someone I do not like, it goes straight to voice mail. When they do, I will then accept it as a “Smart Phone.”

   Never get directions from the illiterate. "Turn left on Cave" is actually, "turn left on C Ave."

   Time to go foot race the homeless man again! If he wins I give him $50. He's got faster since I first started doin this

   Here I sit, all broken hearted. Had to sh*t, but only farted. Till one day, I took a chance. Tried to fart, and sh*t my pants