Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Watching the movie 'Alive' is making me cold, thirsty and cannibalistic

   2 tickets to Paradise and isn't taking you.

   Window shopping is a pane.

   come here girl,you trust me dont you ?"yes",good,now close your eyes and smile like a donut .

   if you need any more proof that people's self perception is skewed, just look at their avatars. How you weigh 500 lbs but your avatar is 120 lbs. at best?

   attention is the fuel that feeds immaturity.

   They should make Vodka ChapStick

   Cincinnati Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco to change last name back to Johnson. This must be one of the big changes promised by the team......WTF!!

   Boy.... That sure is a lot of attitude for someone wearing panda ear rings.

   From what I can tell, a Boomerang is just a Frisbee for people who don't have any friends...

   a Japanese Atheist. He doesn't believe in Godzilla.

   Dear FB users, quit using lower case i's and quit putting them right in front (with no space) of the next consonant....it's not cute anymore.

   How do you spell "clitoris"? I don't know but I had it on the tip of my tongue a moment ago.

   getting a restraining order on Old Man Winter

   Taco Bell putting Fritos in there Burrito..... then Subway should stack chips in there subs .. am just saying

   If you're having trouble with using the correct your/you're, just use “ur” because ur a moron!

   Hey West Coast, it's the East Coast. We checked it out for you, and today isn't worth getting up for. Go ahead and sleep in.

   is just me, or does anyone else's cold medina taste a little funky?

   Yep it is that time of year when some of us hate tax time!!! Thanks too the goverment you will get my money again this year!!!! Hope you will enjoy it

   Lawsuit claims Taco Bell tacos only 35% real beef. I think I speak for all of us when I say wow that much?