Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   (1)Google Translate (2)Type,"Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty" (3)Eng 2 Vietnamese (4)Copy/Paste the Vietnamese Words (5)Vietnamese 2 English

   I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

   Dear Algebra, All year you made me try to find your X !!! Listen buddy...She's not coming back....So please get over it and move on!!

   They should make Jack Daniels chap stick

   Relationships are like drugs, they either kill you, or give you the best feeling of your life.

   You know its going to be a bad week when you got a case of the Mondays on a Tuesday.

   Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

   A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

   If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

   What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? About 45 lbs

   Life's a b!tch, because if it were a slut, it'd be easy.

   Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

   If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh!t" and "syphilis."

   Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

   We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true.

   Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck! -The Government

   Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?

   Words of wisdom: Just be yourself, everyone else is taken.

   The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.