Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This 'places' thing still scares me a little. It's like saying, "Hey stranger, come find me, look I made it really easy for you."

   I had social networking when I was a kid, too. I think back then it was called "outside."

   Don't be upset if she preferred someone else, it's difficult to convince a monkey that strawberries are sweeter than bananas...

   just realized there's Amish people living at the end of my street. There's a sign down there that says "No Outlet"

   People at work always ask me, Sean- how can you stand to sit so close to that space heater, you have to be burning up- I tell them I was married once and enjoyed the time I spent in Hell

   I miss the days when $20 was enough to fill the tank....and pay for the hooker...

   It's easier to wear the buckle than it is to ride the bull, I have no fear about slapping my girl on the ass and calling her by the wrong name just to see how long I can hang on. Gota love rodeo sex!

   if you are reading this status between 7AM and 5 PM--Get a Job!! OR-- Get back to WORK!!

   Yowers...You know the way she keeps trying to Double Dare me...I'm think she's wants to Take the Physical Challenge

   There are some people in this world... When they ask you for advice because they did something wrong... You just wanna say " If I were you... I would just go ahead and punch myself in the face for being that stupid to begin with..."

   PSA: When you find out it is a snow day, everyone on facebook already knows. Please do your best to refrain from updating your status to "no school" or "snow day". As it does get on my nerves.

   Check One : [] single [] taken [X] climbin in yo window, snatchin yo people up.

   I feel like I've been watching Jersey Shore (The Facebook edition) for three days Now! B1tchin about every lil thing is like a rockin chair, It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you any where.

   likes to believe the spell czech on my computer has never failed me.

   hates being asked if I've had any "past experience." Is there any other kind?

   How times have changed. I remember dialing 07734 to a pager to say hello!

   People learn english all the time, It arent that hard

   My new life goal is to do something worthy of being on a commemorative plate while holding a commemorative plate.

   One day, long, long ago. There lived a woman who didn't nag, whine, and b!tch. But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day. The

   I would kill the sexiest person on earth but suicide is a crime