Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook needs a SERIOUSLY?!?? button

   What did the left butt cheek say to the right? "If we stick together, we can stop this sh*t!".....

   With no natural predators the last hope for humanity is pinned on the Internet giving idiots just enough information to cleanse themselves from our gene-pool

   I guess one thing that is good about going to hell is at least you can pee wherever you want to.

   When this girl at the art museum asked me who I like better, "Monet or Manet", I said "I liked mayonnaise." She just stared at me so I said it again, louder...Then she left... I guess she went to find me some mayonnaise.

   The second amendment is in place in case the government ignores all others.

   sometimes you just have to like the judge and executioner dead in the face and tell them "no restraining order will keep me away!!!"

   sick of reality television show...If I wanted a dose of reality, I'd look out of my freakin window. -_-

   finished reading Facebook... My stalking journey is complete.

   I knew that my son was special when I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up and he told me "retarded"...

   if you think weakness can be turned into strength, I hate to tell you this buddy; but that is another weakness.

   there a special place in hell for those people who update their facebook status in church?

   Does anyone else see the irony that the game "Monopoly" is made by one company?

   Tom Brady has to go home and plow his Super Model wife now cause it will be the only was he is scoring anytime soon

   Be quite brain or I will stab you with a Q-tip

   The Golden Globes are on, wonder if Charlie Sheen will win for 2 and 1/2 men or is that One man, 5 hookers, lots of Alcohol and a bag full of cocaine..

   If I ever kick the bucket, can I get one of you to wipe out my computer and empty the top drawer next to my bed?

   Taboo jeopardy is a lot more fun to play. Maybe because I know the answers.

   Private eyes....Are watching you....Listening to your every move....

   Missed the golden globes...My life is over... Now I only have 20 other award ceremoniess to watch that pertain to the same thing.