Mick Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Yeah, yeah the Greeks "invented" sex. But we Italians introduced it to women.
←Rate | 06-15-2011 05:08 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jeeziz. Three hours sleep. Where's Casey Anthony with the chloroform when you need her?
←Rate | 06-22-2011 07:18 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I miss the 80's. The temperatures, not the decade.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 18:30 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon The jury was carefully selected based on their beliefs. Primarily, the ir belief that the Sun circles the Earth, and the preferred method of courtship is to bonk a woman over the head with a club then drag her into a cave.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 09:29 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate those jerks who claim, "If you don't vote, don't complain". That's like going to a restaurant, and the only two items on the menu are s**t and vomit, yet it's my fault the place failed because I didn't order either one.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 23:52 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm typing this status from my car. Now don't go flipping out, I’m in the passenger seat. It kinda makes it a little harder to drive, yet it fools the cops, so hey...
←Rate | 02-17-2014 07:47 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some woman just sent this to me: XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO' I was confused by the apostrophe, but then it dawned on me. It must mean she's possessive.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 20:32 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't care what friend facebook suggests. I'm not poking McDonald's.
←Rate | 02-25-2014 13:36 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Checklist: Poke People ✔ Delete People ✔ Block People ✔ Send Friend Requests ✔ Accept Friend Requests ✔ Ignore Chats ✔ Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ✔....Morning chores all done.
←Rate | 02-26-2014 11:56 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yes, I'm in a complicated relationship. Trying to decide which hand to use makes things more difficult than you can imagine.
←Rate | 02-27-2014 18:24 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon When we're chatting on fb, and I start saying things like, "well, okay", "gotta run", "have a great day", it was great talking to you"...what that means is: SHUT THE F**K UP ALREADY!
←Rate | 03-10-2014 10:11 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon A woman who was shopping at my store today called me a "Living Doll"..okay she actually called me Chucky, but.....
←Rate | 03-10-2014 21:19 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been embarrassed by my weight since, I dunno...it was first listed on my birth certificate.
←Rate | 03-11-2014 11:14 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm at work. So if I don't answer you on fb chat, it means I'm not that busy but I've got a great excuse to not respond.
←Rate | 03-13-2014 10:10 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon To me, the Poke feature is a litmus test to weed out the easy going girls from the uptight Medusa types.
←Rate | 03-18-2014 06:27 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I were taller, I'd be the perfect weight. By taller, I mean 8' 11"
←Rate | 03-21-2014 12:43 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Woke up at 5 am. Early to bed early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Not to mention completely delusional about being healthy, wealthy, and wise.
←Rate | 03-23-2014 06:32 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon PETA is after me. I made Tuna Fish Soft Tacos. I used Dolphin-Safe Tuna, but All-Porpoise flour. THAT'S FUNNY...SHADDAP!
←Rate | 04-02-2014 05:36 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon If v-a-g-i-n-a-s weren't meant to be kissed, they wouldn't have lips.
←Rate | 04-05-2014 09:04 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jameis Winston did NOT steal those crab legs intentionally. He is so into football, that he felt sorry for the shellfish, and merely thought he would do the right thing by putting them on injured reserve.
←Rate | 05-01-2014 06:09 by Mick Comments (0)  


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