Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Between diet soda, the Impossible Whopper and non-dairy creamer, our foods have become more fake than our online personas.
←Rate | 12-02-2019 06:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once dated a woman who punched me in the face ever time she'd climax. I freaked when I discovered she was faking them.
←Rate | 12-09-2019 05:06 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a woman sends me a "Hey there, good lookin" message, you can be assured she sent it to five other guys too. Kidding. She sent it to me by mistake.
←Rate | 12-09-2019 06:56 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I am the way, the truth and the lasagna." - Cheeses of Nazareth
←Rate | 12-11-2019 05:10 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon How in the world can I make wise life choices when I still use my fingers to add, sing the alphabet to see which letter comes next and think that BBQ potato chips are actually cooked on a BBQ?
←Rate | 12-12-2019 06:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know I’m no longer a kid, but I still hold out in the childlike hope that some day money will fall out of the sky. At least enough money to buy a Three Musketeers bar and some wax lips from 7-Eleven.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 10:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon 🎵I'm dreaming of a White Castle Just like the ones that we all know Where the square buns glisten and I am wishin' That there's no chunks I'll have to blow 🎵
←Rate | 12-13-2019 05:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stay tuned, folks... it's getting close to my, "It's a New Year, It's A New Me" delusional time again.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Divorce Log: December 16, 2005 ME: Is this new bed I got us great or what!!! Wife: Uh... NO! ME: (looking down from top bunk) Why not?
←Rate | 12-16-2019 04:15 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Santa: I can't wait for the cookies I'm gonna get in Colorado.
←Rate | 12-16-2019 16:13 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite Christmas song is whichever one comes on right after Feliz Navidad.
←Rate | 12-19-2019 19:59 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm saying this before the 12th day of Christmas even arrives. I'm keeping the 8 maids a milking and the 9 ladies dancing. That's it Everything else is going back to Walmart.
←Rate | 12-23-2019 01:05 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wrote a song called, "For Crying Out Loud, It's Cold Outside!" It's about me and my wife arguing over the thermostat setting.
←Rate | 12-24-2019 05:13 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.
←Rate | 12-25-2019 11:09 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Day After Christmas Menu: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna. Lunch: Leftover lasagna. Dinner: Leftover lasagna. Dessert: Leftover lasagna. Beverage: Lasagna shake.
←Rate | 12-25-2019 20:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jerk chicken is like regular chicken except he goes around with a backwards baseball cap and calls everyone "chief."
←Rate | 12-26-2019 20:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got one of those Instant Pot gadgets for Christmas. What a load of BS. 3 days now and it hasn't produced any weed whatsoever. Instant Pot my eye.
←Rate | 12-28-2019 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Divorce Log 2006: My ex had her credit card stolen, but I didn't report it. The person who stole it used it less than she did.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 06:05 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's not that I can't stand people who attend the University of Florida, it's that I can't stand the red-necks who love the Gators.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 11:19 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon New Year, New Me Yeah, Right Moment: I thought I'd start wearing glasses to appear somewhat intellectual. No one's buying it though. They all say the same thing, "Uh sir, there's no glass in those frames."
←Rate | 01-01-2020 13:04 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


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