Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you want a sneak preview of the new iPhone 11 just look at your iPhone 10 and pretend it costs $600 more.

   Children are the future..... but probably not your children.

   Hey, do you think the next Rocky movie will have a fight scene in the cafeteria over the thermostat?

   My great grandfather always used to call me Alan. I thought it was him being silly, but I later discovered I was going to the wrong house.

   My husband told me he thinks he folded the towels right, so I told him I think he might get lucky tonight... ...and now he's refolding them.

   "why do they have such a nice house?" -- my review of every movie

   Ever read a classic novel that really moves you? I feel that way about cheesecake.

   "I AM A WARRIOR" Sorry, worrier. I am a worrier.

   I never know what to do with all the fast food condiments I bring home from restaurants but I sure am ready for the trick-or-treaters this year!

   The probability of someone looking at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

   Hey Shakira, I get it. With all of these nachos and tequila, my hips don't lie either.

   Men be like this is my all in one shampoo-conditioner-body wash-face soap-toothpaste-car wax

   Kids and their Halloween costumes. We were so poor when I was a kid, my Mom drew on our faces with an El Marko, and we trick or treated for canned food. NO MA'AM, I'll TAKE THE CANNED CORN.

   If they've seen you dance in public and still hangout with you then consider them good friends.

   Since irons are like 1000 degrees, who's bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made??

   Jameis Winston will appear on the covers of both EA Sports "NCAA Football '14" AND "Grand Theft Crustacean."

   When I was a kid I would have a recurring nightmare of been in public without pants . Now I realize that my subconscious was.just preparing me for college !

   Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her.

   You may have been drunk before, but you haven't been lightsaber fighting in the street at 2 am drunk.

   Current Relationship Status: Sleeping diagonally across the Queen size bed.