Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Everybody keep your fingers crossed for me today. Nothing’s happening, I just like bossing around internet strangers.
←Rate | 10-09-2020 08:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Olive Garden. Where the prices are high, but the expectations are low…
←Rate | 10-09-2020 08:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd really like to get personalized license plates for my car but they're so expensive I decided to change my name to XJS-3582
←Rate | 10-09-2020 02:46 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
←Rate | 10-08-2020 17:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The opposite of formaldehyde is casualhyde
←Rate | 10-08-2020 15:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon WIFE: How do you feel about Hawaiian pizza? ME, sipping my pineapple spice latte: I think you know
←Rate | 10-08-2020 14:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pencer must have done a great job last night. cause that's all the dumasscrats could talk about this morning on the lib news.
←Rate | 10-08-2020 10:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This household only uses the finest of cat hair on its sandwiches.
←Rate | 10-08-2020 08:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: I can’t wait to get naked and be inside you! Sleeping bag salesman: ….. so did I mention there’s a non-return policy on those?
←Rate | 10-08-2020 08:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jurassic Park is my favorite movie about how humans get on everybody’s nerves.
←Rate | 10-08-2020 08:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The creepy Dyson guy is trying to sell me a bagless dream catcher.
←Rate | 10-08-2020 08:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon food is so much better than sex, cause its like same mouth action but guaranteed satisfaction ~Elena Gabrielle
←Rate | 10-08-2020 08:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kamala Harris looked like a smug litigant on Judge Judy being sued by her landlord for not paying rent; claiming it was a gift.
←Rate | 10-08-2020 06:56 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bought a treadmill because I ran out of closet space for my clothes.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 15:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon therapists should give you a discount if you make them laugh in session
←Rate | 10-07-2020 15:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I found out that Rudy Giuliani was married to his cousin for 14 years. It all makes sense now.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 14:14 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I have 39 calories left for the day. I think I might just open the ice cream and smell it.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 13:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With my luck, I'll be reincarnated as me again...
←Rate | 10-07-2020 12:29 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Left and right wing extremists hate moderates with a passion. It's beyond their limited comprehension to grasp the plausibility in seeing a little truth in both sides.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 10:13 by GobbityGotz Comments (0)  

   messageicon interviewer: describe yourself in three words. frankenstein’s monster: a people person
←Rate | 10-07-2020 09:37 Comments (0)  

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