Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon A fifth of Jack will make any girl look sexy.
←Rate | 08-01-2018 01:39 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Having friends sounds like a fun idea until they start trying to make plans with you.
←Rate | 08-01-2018 01:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just added Fabrizio Brambilla as one of my friends...According to all the messenger posts I received he is a bad dude..I felt sorry for him and felt he needed a friend
←Rate | 08-01-2018 01:32 by JerryCarter Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry I panicked and punched you when you invited me out for brunch.
←Rate | 08-01-2018 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Almond milk will now be known as white stuff from nuts."
←Rate | 08-01-2018 01:13 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you should be proud of yourself when the biggest accomplishment you ever made was spreading your legs for your sugar daddy.
←Rate | 08-01-2018 00:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *Sign outside a brothel that read "It's a business doing pleasure with you."
←Rate | 07-31-2018 22:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll bet people with Tourette's make awful anatomy teachers!!
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:29 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon LOL! My neighbor swears she was anally probed by an alien last night...... BTW, Anyone want a slightly used alien costume?
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:25 by BobbyT Comments (0)  

   messageicon Losing your wife can be difficult. I know because I've been trying to lose mine for years.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:23 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pretty sure Crest just makes up siht wrong with our teeth to sell more of their crap.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 16:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just bought a new picture frame to hang a photo in my wall that came with a stock photo of a really beutiful family that reminds me of a lot of my facebook friends, who I dont know either.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 15:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What business makes money by driving their customers away........ A taxi.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 14:57 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon if prison is "behind bars" , why don't people cal l the warden the "bar tender" ?
←Rate | 07-31-2018 12:20 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon odd that R. Kelly has a 19 minutes song ... usually he doesnt likes it over 18 ...
←Rate | 07-31-2018 10:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to view a house on a Native American reservation! "I like it" I said "Does it come with running water?" "Go to Hell Paleface" He replied.."Get your own wife!"
←Rate | 07-31-2018 09:22 by Truman Comments (1)  

   messageicon As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
←Rate | 07-31-2018 09:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!
←Rate | 07-30-2018 19:28 by Truman Comments (2)  

   messageicon I could probably sleep my way to the top....if sleeping actually had anything to do with it that is to say.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 19:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amendment to the 2nd. The right of the people to keep and bear plastic straws shall not be infringed. You can’t shoot paper through paper.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 18:32 by JerryW Comments (0)  

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