Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Please don't give me any of your attitude. I already have plenty of my own.
←Rate | 10-23-2018 10:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just once, I'd like to see a judge take the verdict slip from the jury, look at it, and then turn and say, "ARE YOU SHlT'N ME?!"
←Rate | 10-23-2018 08:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm that type of a guy who puts a song on repeat until the artist begs for water
←Rate | 10-22-2018 21:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon . A Hypochondriac is a person who can't leave well enough alone.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 21:43 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the police shut down the town brothel. There was a sign that read, beat it, this brothel is closed.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 21:31 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to your 40's. You now yawn so hard, you shake.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 06:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright untill you hear them speak.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 00:25 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yes I'll be leaving the jean jacket on during foreplay.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:37 by Luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:35 by luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:34 by luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon my girlfriend thinks I am in capable of being faithful my wife on the other hand.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:27 by luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say to write what you know. Chapter One: Farts
←Rate | 10-21-2018 11:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you run out of money at the fair, remember you can eat as much mustard & ketchup as you want for free.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 11:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish I was confident enough to wear a pink, all velvet track suit with a fanny pack.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon high school led us to believe that so much of our adult working lives would require poster board
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a solicitor calls, I just hand the phone to my 8-year-old and tell him this nice lady wants to hear every last detail about your Minecraft village.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I smoke weed on my porch as a warning to all the other weeds
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ordered botox instead of a bowflex and you can’t tell but I’m mad
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For $5 you can either get your girl approximately 2 flowers from a florist OR you can get her an ENTIRE costco rotisserie chicken. that’s all I'm sayin. the choice is yours
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  

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