Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Today is a sad day. The man who invented autocorrect pissed away in his sleep last night.
←Rate | 02-03-2019 09:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mueler's Russian roundup may soon come to an end.
←Rate | 02-03-2019 04:59 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm back when penny candy was a penny years old.
←Rate | 02-02-2019 20:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was waiting for a call last night so I put my phone under my pillow, woke up this morning - phone was gone and $1 was in its place...damn tooth fairy....
←Rate | 02-02-2019 20:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I survived the polar vortex like some kind of post apocalyptic warrior.
←Rate | 02-02-2019 13:34 Comments (4)  

   messageicon I like to play this game called nap roulette...It's where I take a nap but don't set an alarm. Will it be a 30 min nap? Will it be a 4 hour nap? Will I wake up tomorrow? Nobody knows. But it's risky. And I like it
←Rate | 02-02-2019 13:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I cant make it into work because I overslept because I didn't set my alarm because I knew I would like going to work.
←Rate | 02-02-2019 10:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Because of Shania Twain I haven't been impressed much since 1997.
←Rate | 02-02-2019 06:39 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon The downside of fame! I can't walk out of a nice restaurant without immediately being harassed and hounded by a waiter waving a bill?
←Rate | 02-02-2019 06:34 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon It seems only yesterday, my dear old mum telling me to wash my food before eating it! A lovely woman, but terrible sandwiches!
←Rate | 02-02-2019 02:22 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like to plan ahead so I bought the Hubby his Valentine's Day candy early and hiding it. In other words, I just bought me some candy.
←Rate | 02-01-2019 21:36 by Tink Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me, or does anybody else start singing The Clash when you see the "Lock the taskbar" command on your desktop?
←Rate | 02-01-2019 17:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People cheating on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in...
←Rate | 02-01-2019 16:15 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If your single and starting to feel a little blue about the coming Valentines day to make you feel better just remember that Saint Valentine was imprisoned then beaten to death with a club and candy and cakes will be 50% off the day after ๐Ÿ˜Š
←Rate | 02-01-2019 15:19 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon some days you're the statue, some days you're the pigeon
←Rate | 02-01-2019 11:49 by Eddy Comments (1)  

   messageicon Coldest winter weather in recorded history. In two short years the President has fixed global warming.
←Rate | 02-01-2019 07:52 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I can't go to work today. The "wardrobe malfunction" happened 15 years ago today. It was very offensive.
←Rate | 02-01-2019 06:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just once in my life I'd love to make just the perfect amount of spaghetti for myself. Anyways, if you're hungry come on over. And bring like five friends.
←Rate | 02-01-2019 00:06 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's okay when to criticise someone when they try and force their beliefs on others and even go as far as trying to make their beliefs part of constitution and government policy.
←Rate | 01-31-2019 22:11 Comments (2)  

   messageicon If you rely on the news to tell you itโ€™s cold and to put a jacket on than I feel sorry for you.
←Rate | 01-31-2019 22:09 by Meh! Comments (0)  

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