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Friends are a bad influence. And I would just like to thank them for that. 
Why Did Donkey Kong even bother throwing barrels? Why not let Mario get up to his level and then just beat the sh!t out of him?"
f car insurance companies aren't going to give us our money back after each accident-free year, at the very least they should send us a freakin "Thank-You" card or something. Bunch of ungrateful pricks
OK so I'm a guy so I'm not going to pretend like I'm an expert on the subject but HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT KNOW YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!
So my boss told me I was well rounded this morning... I didnt know whether to thank him.. or punch his lights out..
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
decided to go barefoot, because i'm always thinking outside the socks
No matter how little I do in a day....I always feel like I could have done less.
thinks the “8″ in “Kate Plus 8″ refers to the remaining viewers.
I'll be spending most of today putting Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Why is it that car commercials know which old songs were good but oldies radio stations don't?
They say you always want what you can't have. Well I just had another beer and proved that theory to be incorrect.
says change your birthday on facebook to todays date, and see how many of your "friends" are totally clueless
This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's christmas list.
some days I wake up all ready to take on the world!! Today is NOT one of those days
Spell procrastination : F.A.C.E.B.O.O.K.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
you cant drink all day if you dont start in the morning
Unite this Cinco de Mayo to keep sharpies out of the hands of young mexican girls' hands. Feel comfortable in your natural eyebrows ladies. 