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   messageicon i bought an awesome watch the other day, It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm always amazed at how eating 2lbs of chocolate can make you gain 47lbs.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of the best decisions I've ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
←Rate | 01-26-2018 05:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my tombstone to read; "I don't know where ya’ll gonna get your laughs now"
←Rate | 03-25-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mark Zuckerberg is probably the last person we should trust, and I mean that both literally and alphabetically
←Rate | 04-11-2018 09:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 3.1x
←Rate | 08-12-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 23:44 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'Flashdance' gave me unrealistic expectations about how hot welders would be
←Rate | 07-16-2017 20:17 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ambition is the path to success. Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in...
←Rate | 10-12-2017 09:22 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sure your baby's cute but have you ever seen a chihuahua with the hiccups?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna see awkward? Hand me a baby.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 02:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hard liquor because I don't don't have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
←Rate | 05-16-2018 23:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought about having sex today and then I remembered that I’m married.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 23:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !
←Rate | 07-21-2018 18:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hey! No fair! You cleaned the bathrooms last week! It's my turn!" said no one ever.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 08:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read this article earlier..that said.."cows have four stomachs"...and I wondered if anyone had checked this?..because it sounds like the sort of thing a cow would come out with to get more food?
←Rate | 09-12-2018 20:39 by Truman Comments (0)  



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