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   messageicon Your handwriting is just your hand’s accent.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop trying to please people who don’t like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they’ve ever met. 😊
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, “the vibes are off” isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 00:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cats are starting pyramid schemes and dogs are falling for them.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 23:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We often clean our homes when people are coming over so we can maintain the façade of a clean house that we’ve seen from going to other people’s homes who clean their house to maintain the façade of having a clean house.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife just told me that her birthday is tomorrow. Wow, like maybe more of a heads-up next time.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you want to help people, you tell the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says, stop living in the past, I say, but the music was so much better then.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon CDC: Covid is more deadly when people are obese. Gov: “Close The Gyms!”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Child: I learned a joke at school. Me: Okay, let’s hear it. Child: What goes in stiff, but comes out soft? Me: Child: Me: Child: Me: Is it a- Wife comes running in from another room: IT’S SPAGHETTI! SPAGHETTI!
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cats are my favorite animal, because no matter where you fall on the food chain, a cat will smack the crap out of you.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You’re not really supposed to do this, but this is what I do. Me: Training a new person at work.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. Thank you for helping me understand that.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come all the single ladies don’t need no man at all, but all the married men need two ladies, I’m confused.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone can have a wank under a sheet, but it takes skill to do it without the hairdresser noticing.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:47 Comments (0)  



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