Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I am trying to get into the Christmas "spirit" but can't get the bottle open...
←Rate | 12-05-2019 14:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Baby Yoda's first word probably came after his second word
←Rate | 12-05-2019 14:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not to brag, but I still haven’t buttoned my pants back up from Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What flavor vape oil are you leaving out for Santa this year?
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon mistletoe is the gateway drug to pregnancy
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you have tin foil? Then you have everything you need to make tin foil balls. Stay tuned for more last-minute gift ideas.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is to know what rhymes with "Hug me" Love, Robin Thicke
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon HOW TO WRAP PRESENTS: - Ask somebody else to wrap presents
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The angel on my shoulder says I should be doing more with my life. Wait, no, that's just my mom talking. I forgot I left my phone there.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember the time when you said that you hire the best people, then all those people went to prison? That was awesome!
←Rate | 12-05-2019 12:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas tree by the lines of duct tape around the box it's stored in.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm 45 and I would still be tickled pink to wake up Christmas morning to a Barbie Dream House with accessories.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone just wished me “Happy Holidays” and I was so offended. How DARE someone assume I’d ever want to be happy.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The CEO of the Olive Garden blames his company's low profits on Obamacare — which is odd because most people won't eat at the Olive Garden until they have health insurance.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 10:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party
←Rate | 12-05-2019 09:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The holidays are always tough on me.... One year for Christmas , I made a gingerbread house that wasn't up to code & it collapsed on a tiny, little gingerbread family. Still haunts me.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 09:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Judging by the way I just reacted to not being able to find the TV remote, I’m not the type of person you’d want around in a crisis
←Rate | 12-05-2019 09:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Found an ant in my bathroom today, which is weird because I haven't had a picnic in there for like 3 months.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 09:02 Comments (0)  

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