Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Here we go. Everyone on FB is making 911 all about themselves. "Hey, don't forget me!" SMH.
←Rate | 09-11-2020 07:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why am I sleeping on the couch? well lets put it this way she caught me talking on the phone last night and it was not Jake from State farm
←Rate | 09-11-2020 01:52 by smeebert Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a young couple lose their virginity at a KFC, do they now have Colonel knowledge of each other?
←Rate | 09-10-2020 23:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I do all my own stunts but not intentionally.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 17:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 16:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Social distancing has taken all the fun out of avoiding people.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 16:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't come to me for advice. We'll just end up at the liquor store...
←Rate | 09-10-2020 12:20 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ah doan care what any of y'all say, ain't no man likes a tattoo on da tiddy.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 08:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's really ironic that usually when I have to show my driver's license it's to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 08:45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Just want everyone to know this morning I won the argument I was having with someone in my head while in the shower. Feeling good about today
←Rate | 09-10-2020 08:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember, after the police have been defunded and you have to shoot intruders, call 811 before you dig. It's the law.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 08:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Flight attendant: Attention everyone. Kenny G is on board he’s agreed to play … Me: *jumps out of airplane*
←Rate | 09-09-2020 12:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon imagine your credit card gets declined at the hospital and they put your appendix back in
←Rate | 09-09-2020 12:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I dunno when it stopped, but I’m kinda pissed that no one celebrates and gives me a sticker when I dookie anymore
←Rate | 09-09-2020 12:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My prediction for October 2020: The Bermuda triangle starts roaming around the Earth like a giant Roomba.
←Rate | 09-09-2020 11:15 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon Colin Kaepernick must feel more left out than Kunta Kinte at a Country Music festival.
←Rate | 09-09-2020 08:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are armed citizens standing guard over their property called vigilantes but rioting anarchists called peaceful protesters?
←Rate | 09-09-2020 08:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yo mama's so ugly, the whole world faked a virus just to make her wear a mask.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 18:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We used to hang lace panties on our rear view mirrors, now it's face masks. Men what have we become :P
←Rate | 09-08-2020 17:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mask broke while I was in a store and I felt like Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 10:09 Comments (0)  

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