Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Difference between House and Home : HOUSE is where you fart in headphones mode HOME is where you fart in Dolby surround mode
←Rate | 01-16-2018 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All those exercise videos are worthless, I watch them over and over and not even lost a Kg
←Rate | 01-16-2018 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey kids, try the real Tide challenge. Get off your butt and wash your own clothes and fold them.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 00:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow
←Rate | 01-15-2018 23:03 by Crewz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ya know, people use to come to Facebook to air their dirty laundry...Now they're coming here to air themselves eating laundry pods...The irony!!
←Rate | 01-15-2018 22:11 by Myke Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do you accidentally send an inbound missile warning to Hawaii by "pressing the wrong button"? I had to click "are you sure", verify my thumbprint and solve an algebra problem just to unsubscribe from the Mr. Belvedere fan club newsletter.
←Rate | 01-15-2018 19:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Search YouTube for Bryan Lewis "I Think My Dog's A Dem0crat."
←Rate | 01-15-2018 12:12 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If brains were butter, Tea Jaye couldn't grease a small frying pan.
←Rate | 01-15-2018 09:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I get a headache I imagine it's because someone wants me to get in bed with them.
←Rate | 01-15-2018 09:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I am not supposed to eat Tide pods then why are they citrus flavored?
←Rate | 01-15-2018 09:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Wal-Mart should start a new Express Checkout lane for shoppers with more than 12 teeth
←Rate | 01-15-2018 08:55 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I will never have abs. Because I love eating keb abs
←Rate | 01-15-2018 08:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People say, if life throws you lemons, throw them back, make lemonade or squirt them in your eyes so that the problems become last of your worries. But them smart asses never said what to do if life kicks you in the balls. Yeah!, there's no recovery from
←Rate | 01-15-2018 08:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ghetto Winnie the Pooh would probably say, “Tigger please.”
←Rate | 01-14-2018 22:50 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I was driving down the road this morning and swerved to avoid a banana peel. See mom me playing Mario Kart in my room all day when I was younger paid off.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 20:55 by Crewz Comments (0)  

   messageicon I changed my passwords to incorrect, so when I forget it tells me. Your password is incorrect. . .
←Rate | 01-14-2018 18:29 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon Look, all I am saying is that you never see The Predator and Whoopi Goldberg in the same room at the same time.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 17:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My last exam was a bigger failure than FOX's show, Son of Zorn.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 17:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wouldnt want to live in the s**thole even if it was called Hati
←Rate | 01-14-2018 16:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If only tru mp called them sh1t$shows, then no one would be mad.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 16:49 Comments (0)  

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