Funny Status Messages

   "It's complicated" just means one person is all for it and the other person is riding the line.

   Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped.

   I went to fill out an application/job interview today. When I got to: "position applying for"........... I wrote "yours" followed by a " ;-) " and a "LOL." I think I NAILED it!!

   The wife asks "Do you wanna have sex or watch Top Chef?"... Apparently "Well, what are they cooking?" was the wrong answer

   There's nothing more exhilarating than playing air guitar in your underwear...

   After spending millions in research scientist still do not know exactly how long a cotton picking minute is.

   I think 'supervision' isn't nearly as cool as it sounds...

   Everyone has that friend in the group that everyone hates but just keeps them around for the sole reason of hating him. If you think that's not the case in your group, then you're that friend.

   Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don't feel like doing.

   I think one reason they call them "Relaxed Fit" jeans is that "Ass The Size of Texas" jeans would not sell very well.

   I've accepted the fact that I'll never be as funny as those novelty shirts from Spencer's.

   I just finished watching that movie where Julia Roberts has a lot of teeth.

   Reading an article that said, "spice up your love life”. One of the suggestions was to make love in a car wash. It's also the perfect way to ruin a church fund raiser.

   people with narrow minds , are normaly the ones with the biggest mouths.

   That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone's status.

   After suffering my 5000th stubbed toe, I believe now is the time to invent "Nerf" end tables!

   " I think Randy Moss will stay retired" -Brett Favre

   I hate gently tossing my phone on the bed and it ricocheting off three walls, hitting a lamp, and a cat.

   Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids

   Ever have one of those days at work no matter who talks to you they sound the teacher from The Peanuts cartoons?