Funny Status Messages

   Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

   Turbo Tax is the worst computer game ever.

   There are two ways of doing things, my way or the wrong way.

   At the end of my appointment, the doctor took his own blood pressure.

   If your ideology makes you hide your face with a mask, then you are a coward.

   Welcome to Disney, where dreams we approve of come true.

   Oh, the hubris! Confusion now has made his masterpiece!

   “I got hairy legs that turn blond in the sun.” Nurse: Sure Joe, let’s go sign some more executive orders.

   If you did not oppose vaccine mandates, passports, you have zero credibility when you say, “my body, my choice.”

   Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

   Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

   They’re sending another 40 billion in aid to eastern Europe while our babies starve. That ought to make you mad as hell.

   Mice die in mouse traps because they don’t understand why the cheese is free. The same thing happens with leftists.

   I’m so competitive, I don’t let anyone ruin my life more than I do.

   I don't know about you, but Ef-Az-Zzee's "impregnate" comment really creeped me out.

   Nobody likes a shady beach.

   “It will be celebrated with pomp and parade, bonfires and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other.” ~ John Adams

   Dear Hulu, Disney, Apple, Netflix, Amazon, CBS, NBC, and everyone else trying to create a streaming service: we’re not going to pay for eight of these, work it out.

   Welcome to McBrandon’s…. Would you like some lies with that?

   Hunter Biden walks away from multiple felony charges. The media; look, a submarine!