Funny Status Messages

   People are running away from Netflix and Disney by the millions. Go woke, go broke.

   The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

   When the new girl wants to spend the night; “the couch pulls out, but I don’t.”

   The only supply chain Biden won’t disrupt, the flow of drugs at our southern border.

   Me: My 401k is crushed I can’t afford food or gas. Biden: (licking ice cream cone) “Best economic recovery in history, Jack.”

   I dance like a car dealership’s inflatable tube man.

   Landline phones never get destroyed in washing machines.

   Do you ever think for yourself? CNN viewer: “No, I have television for that.”

   Don’t forget to pay your taxes, so they can send pallet loads of cash to corrupt countries, while you hit the same pothole driving to work every day.

   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

   Hide inside your friend’s toothpaste tube to give them a mysterious minty fresh surprise.

   Grown men who call their parents mommy and daddy can kill you with their bare hands and won’t even say a cuss word while they’re doing it.

   Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up.

   There is no such thing as having too much cheese.

   If you happen to see an FBI agent wearing one of Melania’s dresses, post a photo of him.

   Sorry friend, but your latest post didn't gargle Zuckerberg's balls.

   The death toll rises: A man dies of a heart attack a year and a half after eating a corndog at the Jan. 6th riots.

   When she got a boyfriend but she wanna know ya name ~ side nigggaa

   Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s YOUR day, ruin it yourself.

   It should be mandatory that every citizen 21 and older carry a firearm.