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I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential...
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11-16-2012 20:15 by
snotty
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I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights....just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he's getting hit by a train.
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11-25-2012 19:16 by
StonerDudee
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the refrigerator is a clear example that what matters is whats inside
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11-27-2012 13:20
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Due to those 5 extra minutes of sleep I got because of the snooze button I'm not even tired anymore --Said no one ever!
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12-06-2012 21:05 by
@topherjordan
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People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The confusion of this world is that people are used and things are loved.
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09-04-2012 07:10
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After spending 90 bucks for a gas fill-up today, I'm starting to see the advantages of being Amish....
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09-15-2012 00:06 by
totalpackage
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Baby, if you are reading this. Can you please bring me a beer?
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10-07-2012 10:15 by
Czovczov
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When I die I want the Cleveland browns to be my Pallbearers so they can let me down one last time
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10-09-2012 20:06 by
TyleG
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Chicks can only stay at their boyfriend's place for about 3 days, then they finally need to go home and use the toilet.
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10-20-2012 12:30
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I've counted 8 people so far whose New Year's resolutions include "loose weight". Can I add spelling to your list too?
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01-01-2013 17:46 by
hihuggiehi
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Why is everyone worried about meteors instead of the possibility that Russia just got their own Superman?
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02-17-2013 07:54
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Rihanna filed a restraining order against a man for breaking into her house. I assume when all of this blows over she'll make him a key.
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02-28-2013 07:25
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Cubic Zirconium's slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
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03-14-2013 07:22
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Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
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04-02-2013 01:57 by
Kiki
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Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
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07-07-2013 23:42 by
StonerDudee
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I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
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07-18-2013 14:57 by
snotty
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How to tie the strongest knot ever? Step 1: Put your headphones in your pocket. Step 2: Wait 1 minute.
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07-30-2013 09:31 by
HiYourJon
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One day, the fridge will take revenge on me,.. Every half hour opening the door to my room, staring at me for a few minutes and then walk away.
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08-24-2013 21:57 by
Marshall the Great
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After opening this month's electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
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08-27-2013 11:22 by
huck
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Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
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08-30-2013 08:58 by
Baddie
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