Funny Status Messages

   Her: how could you sleep with her!? Him: uh, she’s hot? Her: You didn’t think about me in any of this? Him: I thought about you the whole time so I wouldn’t nut early.

   Being forced to watch the Feds spend billions of your tax dollars on a corrupt foreign war while struggling with record high inflation.

   How can you face your problem, if your problem is your face?

   In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

   Summer, Spring, Winter and Welp

   Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

   Trans species man who self-identifies as a deer accidentally shot by hunters. Rest in pieces.

   Are you suffering from a lack of vitamin me?

   Remember kids, if she has an apple, she has a banana.

   Hey gurl, speaking of lickity split, whatcha doin later...

   Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

   Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

   A trans four year old is like a vegan cat. We know who is making the choices.

   Inadvertently just signed off a work email, “should you have any questions, please don’t. Hesitate to ask.” I’m sticking with it.

   “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” ~ Henry Ford

   When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

   Kids today are soft, I died once when I was five and my mom made me walk it off.

   There once was a chap named Joe Biden, some think he’s as old as Poseidon. His panicking staff, locked the lord of the gaffe, in a basement where he is still hidin’.

   “We just want to be treated like normal people,” says the Drag Queen twerking in front of a bunch of toddlers.

   If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.