Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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Page: 6 of 5203

   messageicon A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never sympathized more with women in my life.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and just ride it out.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon this a Royal Wedding or the Kentucky Derby? The hats make it confusing. I'm taking ""Camilla" to Show.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 07:47 by MediaGuy Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are many benefits of being fat. Take Buddha for instance. He was too heavy to be put on a cross so they told him to just sit there quietly.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 05:41 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun fact. Swedish meatballs are actually a recipe king Charles XII brough back from a trip to Turkey. So they really Turkish meatballs.
←Rate | 05-18-2018 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone is talking about the royal wedding but life isn't a game of thrones
←Rate | 05-18-2018 20:46 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would send thoughts and prayers, but I would rather vote and send better politicians...
←Rate | 05-18-2018 20:03 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I watched 30 minutes of Kong: Skull Island on TV, which was more than enough to confirm why I don't waste money on movies anymore.
←Rate | 05-18-2018 15:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon America going straight into 'thoughts & prayers' Groundhog Day mode after yet another mass school shooting.
←Rate | 05-18-2018 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been trying to decide if I care less about the royal wedding or the Laurel-Yanny nonsense.
←Rate | 05-18-2018 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop talking about the Royal Wedding, your cats are sick of hearing about it.
←Rate | 05-18-2018 11:05 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I paused “Crazy Train” during the guitar solo to listen to you, so don’t tell me I’m not taking this relationship seriously!
←Rate | 05-17-2018 23:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: She really needs to calm down. Alcohol: You should tell her.
←Rate | 05-17-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If this new pair of camo crocs doesn't get me laid tonight, nothing will.
←Rate | 05-17-2018 23:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I have fillings for you. Her: I have a boyfriend. Me: I'm married and I'm your Dentist...
←Rate | 05-17-2018 20:56 Comments (0)  



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