Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 6 of 5345

   messageicon Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Ain't no psychotic meltdowns, either...
←Rate | 02-07-2019 11:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chloroform is my favorite essential oil.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 05:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon After owning my phone for almost a year I finally figured out how to make the fonts bigger, which will make walking easier.
←Rate | 02-06-2019 21:54 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's on my mind is what do I need to do today besides waste time looking at Facebook?
←Rate | 02-06-2019 13:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Calling for compromise, but only if it's on your own terms. How is that compromise?
←Rate | 02-06-2019 10:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For a ski team, these guys in the 7-11 sure have a lot of guns!
←Rate | 02-05-2019 19:16 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I called the cops on my own Super Bowl party so everyone would leave.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 18:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part of Valentine's day, is the next days 50% off sale on the box chocolate candy.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 17:14 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's day, then the side chick is you.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 17:10 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish having a friend with benefits meant I had a friend who'd be willing to marry me so I wouldn't have to keep paying dearly for my own insurance.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 16:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do people get angry when you say F you, or give them the finger ? But not when you say srrew you or up yours ? Don't they all mean the same thing ?
←Rate | 02-05-2019 16:40 by Just.asking Comments (0)  

   messageicon The penalty for bigamy is having two mother in-laws.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 16:03 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon Prison guards and security are just a waste of money. All prisons only needs walls.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 15:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How embarrassing. First day of Chinese New Year, and I just wrote "Dog" on a check instead of "Pig".
←Rate | 02-05-2019 14:32 by DC Comments (1)  

   messageicon Just heard a milli vanilli on the radio and I'm not afraid to say that I liked their music! or whoevers music it was they were lip sinking that is to say.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 14:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Y’all really spending $300 for hotels rooms on Valentine’s Day to do the same 3 position y’all do at home?
←Rate | 02-05-2019 14:14 by @svaldez187 Comments (1)  

   messageicon When people on Facebook ask a stupid question, and then say "Go!"...that's usually what I do...I GO!...Ain't none of us got time to stick around and answer your rhetorical's probaby time for you to get a companion pet.
←Rate | 02-04-2019 18:00 by therealtimmyt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why the hell is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time!
←Rate | 02-04-2019 13:45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I just want a man to rub my butt without trying to shove something in it.
←Rate | 02-04-2019 13:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a Fire-Fighter's career can go up in smoke, and a plumber's career can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?
←Rate | 02-04-2019 13:16 Comments (1)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left