Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Does anyone know of any rappers who are proud of their hometowns?
←Rate | 10-09-2019 15:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 15:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon found a typo on these Fruity Pebbles. For the serving size it says 3/4 "cup." They totally spelled "box" wrong.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 15:58 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Can't wait to sit in the doctor's office reception area so I can read how to fix meatloaf 3 ways & catch up on 1992.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 15:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's 4AM and I roll out of bed. My eyes bloodshot. I haven't slept in weeks. What the hell holds up those blocks in Mario?
←Rate | 10-09-2019 15:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [boarding a plane] me: I'm nervous steward: oh why? me: *leans in for kiss*
←Rate | 10-09-2019 15:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can definitely see in the near future that the color orange will be considered the color of satan.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon my wife says I'm crazy, but I'm not the one who married me.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 13:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can say one thing about my sense of humor... "Pundits applaud it" Or was that…
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I eat sugar with both hands. I'm ambidextrose.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Billy Ocean has formed a Freddie Mercury cover band in his native Trinidad. It's called Caribbean Queen.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the people asking why I've been in the bathroom so long: Well, I ate a clock yesterday. Now I'm just passing time.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was going to write a book about procrastination, but I kept putting it off.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had to dig and set off dynamite in my office, the Law Office of Jason R. Craddock, to find coal and gold. I was just mining my own business.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know your story is bull, but I'm not matador.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once had an interview and my belly rambled and the lady asked "missed lunch?" I told her no, i'm hungry for success.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marrying a radio is not that bad. It's the reception that's the problem.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse, I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water. I know he means well.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What if Rob Lowe robbed Lowes? Just imagine the crazy headlines. They'd probably say something like... "Rob Lowe Robs Lowes"
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's no "shame" in "glitter", but there's shame and glitter on me.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 12:08 Comments (0)  

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