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   messageicon When you're a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
←Rate | 06-08-2018 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember: Every single frozen corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy, my friends.
←Rate | 08-31-2018 09:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything
←Rate | 09-20-2018 12:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Jerk chicken is just like regular chicken, but it drives a BMW and doesn't care about your feelings.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 01:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Will Starbucks become a homeless shelter with their new store policy?
←Rate | 05-24-2018 03:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or doesn't anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:00 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
←Rate | 06-27-2018 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just apologized to a chair for walking into it. Let's focus on my manners before you judge my sobriety.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 09:47 Comments (1)  


   messageicon It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 05:54 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
←Rate | 01-24-2018 16:05 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 17:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 20:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor obviously doesn't watch porn. She called me over here an hour ago to fix her sink and I'm still fixing the sink.
←Rate | 11-05-2017 06:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't matter if you're black or white, heterosexual or homosexual, man or woman because cats hate all of you.
←Rate | 07-26-2018 14:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not sure who will be performing at the Super Bowl half-time this season but I am already furious about it
←Rate | 09-26-2017 08:59 by markf Comments (0)  



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