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Page: 6 of 5227

   messageicon I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can't remember where I parked my car.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying I drive fast, but on my last trip the lady in my GPS told me pull over and she would walk.
←Rate | 06-29-2018 20:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment. If you're attrative it's flirting.
←Rate | 07-15-2018 04:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon when you drop your iphone, remember that's gravity that makes the apple fall
←Rate | 07-30-2017 22:52 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won't ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
←Rate | 09-23-2017 23:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So irritating that my kid gets a text to tell him school is closed for snow day. He should have to stare at the news channel crawl for 45 minutes like I did
←Rate | 01-18-2018 21:05 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I think my dog needs training school because he rudely yawned in the middle of my stories.
←Rate | 01-28-2018 20:03 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Between the Super Bowl commercials and today’s teen challenges...Tide is killing it!
←Rate | 02-04-2018 23:08 by tmk Comments (0)  


   messageicon Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
←Rate | 02-13-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have my headphones on at the Gym, but judging by the reactions, that was an audible fart
←Rate | 02-24-2018 05:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If life was a YouTube video, Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 06:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don't turn it on
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is Assumption Club. I think we all know why we are here.
←Rate | 03-06-2018 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dancing in the 70's: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
←Rate | 03-24-2018 12:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe the mattress stores could tell us when they are NOT having a sale
←Rate | 03-28-2018 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some days parenting's like The Sound of Music but with less singing and more hiding from the Nazis.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon * The older I get the earlier it gets late.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 05:20 Comments (0)  



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