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   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ironically removing episodes from old comedy show because they are offensive..They'll end up on the black market.
←Rate | 06-12-2020 01:53 by Ben Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: sorry mom, called you by accident.. Mom: no worries, had you by accident.
←Rate | 11-22-2019 05:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change, hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
←Rate | 06-18-2020 08:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2020 love life: The washing machine has seen me naked more often than anyone else.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 15:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon After six months of listening to people talk with masks on, I finally understand what Charlie Brown’s teacher was saying
←Rate | 09-12-2020 20:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wind kept blowing an old Burger King wrapper at my feet for over half a block I know a sign from God when I see one
←Rate | 09-18-2020 10:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do they make a Gas-X for brain farts? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 10-13-2020 08:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd like to personally address Facebook in telling them we know how to vote and to kindly stop with those imbecilic notices.
←Rate | 10-19-2020 07:50 by IARU Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is very hard for me to concentrate when I am in the same room with chocolate cake.
←Rate | 10-22-2017 21:10 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
←Rate | 02-13-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Customer service: And how does your name appear on your credit card? "I'd say about 11 pt Arial Bold"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Lassie was a cat, little Timmy would've died in that well...
←Rate | 06-01-2019 16:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Social media is one of the best things to ever happen to stupidity.
←Rate | 09-25-2019 16:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The things I do to make my wife happy. I'm wearing her underwear. She doesn't know I'm wearing them but when she puts them on tomorrow she'll think she lost weight.
←Rate | 09-25-2019 21:59 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they're back
←Rate | 10-18-2019 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 15:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?
←Rate | 12-11-2019 13:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back.
←Rate | 12-03-2019 09:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So it's not a good idea to shoot finger guns at a man that's driving an armored truck. I know that now.
←Rate | 01-09-2020 08:05 Comments (0)  

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